Thoughts:Mine

Alone again

2006-12-31T01:43:00.000-08:00

Dear blog,
As I begin the new year, I will be alone again. She won't be beside me anymore. Not that she would have been beside me. We have finally split up. And on 31 Dec. Damn. I'm never gonna forget this :(

There were signs. It wasn't all smooth sailing anymore. At least we talked it through.

To be honest, I'm having mixed feelings about this. I'm relief I don't have to force myself to message her and ask about how she's been. I'm glad I'm a swinging single again. And I wonder about my prospects. However, I also feel regretful this relationship had to come to an end, and I wonder, whether my future relationships will suffer the same problem.

Sheebs was right :) We're just not that into each other anymore. Btw, happy birthday Sheebs.

I feel so lonely. And kind of empty.If you're reading this, I hope you'll never forget the special connection we once shared, the things we did together, and all the first times we had together. I really hope we'll continue to keep our connection. Sigh.

I'll miss you.

I wonder

2006-12-30T20:17:00.000-08:00

I wonder, how my exam results are gonna be. I don't think i did too well, and I have been playing too much actually.
I wonder if I didn't play so much DotA would I have gotten better results.
I wonder whether I'll get my own laptop.
I wonder whether I can face the next ConAss.
I wonder whether she's still interested in me.
I wonder whether I have any better way to use my time.
I wonder why I demand attention. Thought about this while I was bathing. It's like everything I do, it's just to get some attention to me.
I wonder, if she's the only one or if she's the right one.
I wonder, why doesn't she even mind me anymore.
I wonder, whether I'll ever wear specs.
I wonder, is there anybody who likes me.
I wonder,why is it I feel so empty.
I wonder, what have I done during this year.
I wonder, how many friends do I really have.
I wonder, whether I'll be a doctor.
I wonder, what if I didn't take medicine, what would I do.
I wonder, whether I'll be rich in the future.
I wonder, is there anyone like me.
I wonder, what I should do now.
I wonder, does anyone miss me now?
I wonder, is anyone thinking about me?
I wonder, how many enemies I have.
I wonder, does anyone hate me?
I wonder, when will I change my phone?
I wonder, will my maple character ever be a Dragon knight?
I wonder, how many people will I have a relationship before meeting the right one?
I wonder, where are my friends right now?
I wonder, am I a good Christian?
I wonder, am I anyone's role model?
I wonder, does anyone know how I really am like?
I wonder, am I cheating anybody now?
I wonder, do I have any sickness?
I wonder, how unhealthy am I?
I wonder, what do I regret doing?
I wonder, will I have anymore regretful acts?
I wonder, I wonder.

Another day

2006-09-04T00:52:00.000-07:00

Today, I realize the sheer amount of books and notes I need to read. In a week’s time, I’ll be pummeled with CONASS again. The bad thing about second year conass, the lecturers don’t know how to make up their minds on when we should have conass. It’s dumb really, to study one whole night, thinking that the next day we’ll be having an exam, then get shocked that the exam has been cancelled. Reason? So that we can have the opportunity to take the exam TOGETHER with our Perakian counterparts.

But I have to admit, conass really makes me push myself to study. I actually read 2 months worth of lectures within a night. Wow. I surprise myself sometimes. Now, think about it. If I study the whole holidays, imagine how much I would be able to cover! Maybe the whole semester! Lolz!

Juniors are having conass too. Speaking about my juniors, some of them are not living a happy life in their residential colleges. Seems that they have been labeled lubuk due to their need to study always and not joining much social activities. I do feel a little sad for them. However, I didn’t get the chance to stay with people from other courses, so sometimes I think they’re pretty lucky to get to mingle with students from other faculties. My social circle is so limited. And I don’t have the initiative to enlarge it. Sigh.

Family won’t be around during my birthday. Sad. Maybe can get Hui Ming to come celebrate it with me. Hopefully >.<

Haven’t played any dota today! Yay for me! Maybe will reward myself with a round later ;P

Don't mind my blogging these few days. I'll just use this place to ramble about random stuff. No topics unless I get some inspiration.

It's so late already....

2006-09-03T03:05:00.000-07:00

It's 2.40am, and I have to go to church tomorrow. Yet here I am blogging a new post J

Today mom asked me a question. She found out I had a blog from my aunt. Frankly, I don’t really like to go around telling people I have a blog. I prefer to let it lay hidden. If you discover it, good for you. If you don’t, well, too bad then. The way mom said how I profess my feelings for my girlfriend on my blog, well, it just made me feel a little, sad. She wondered what was the point of having a blog, telling everyone about your secrets and stuff. Honestly… I don’t have the answer to that. My response to that question:”…..”

Holidays now. Life has mostly revolved around the computer. I suck at dota. Why do I beat my friends but can’t seem to pull it off on blueserver? Somebody has gotta help me find out the problem L. My exams are coming soon, so I have to pull it together and really start studying. It’s sad, having to study during the holidays. Why did they made holidays for us to study? I’ll rather leave holidays to brainless or relaxing days.

To have an unfinished task in my mind= stress= disturbing thoughts= unable to concentrate= hard to study= terrible consequences in exams. I worry about too much stuff. Christmas night, CG, exams, dota, our apartment rent, our apartment maintenance, girlfriend, and many more. Sigh. Sometimes, I just wish, I could tear myself apart from all these responsibilities. Nothing to worry about. That would be nice. Maybe if I do get 3 wishes from a genie, I’ll wish for this.

Sometimes I do crave attention from others to my blog. Comments and stuff. Been thinking about blogging on friendster. That’ll get me lots of publicity. But then there’ll always be downsides. Just that you won’t know it till you get it. Speaking of friendster, I went through the ardous task of going through my friends list and deleting all those I have no recollection of. The kind of people who sends you a message and says “let’s be friends!” “hi nice to meet you let me add you now!” “hey, we are compatible let’s be pals!” and then never sends you a message again. Ever. Unless you take the liberty to send them a message. I actually thought of accepting people even if I didn’t know them because I couldn’t think of hurting their feelings when I rejected them. Then again, when I read my junior’s profile, I regain the consciousness to not let anyone I’ve never met before be in my friends list. To quote my junior, Bong, “It’s not like you can count the number of friends you have”. So true so true. People who you think are friends might not think the same as you. Vice versa.

It’s 3am now. I wonder how long an average person takes to blog. Main reason I don’t blog much is because I think I can spend one whole hour on blogging and posting pictures. Sigh. Maybe I’ll start bloggin frequently again. It’s been quite a long while.

Currently, I can’t get sexyback out of my head. Just transferred it to my phone. I can’t help it. I find strange melodies, attractive. How do you group a song like sexyback? Pop? Or maybe it’s the Timberland touch that makes it appealing. I like promiscuous girl too. Hmm, maybe I should sample more of his songs.

Alrighty, time to say good night to all. Good night. This feels silly. 20minutes. That's how long I took to blog this.

Sighing again.

2006-07-12T23:10:00.000-07:00

Sigh. I seem to be sighing a lot nowadays. Especially after my holidays ended. Actually, come to think of it, I’ve been sighing since my holidays too. Sigh. I don’t know why I sigh. Just that, it feels slightly better after sighing. How better, I cannot explain it. Maybe God created sighing as a way for other people to know someone is having problems.

Yesterday, I realize I lost my usb flash drive. That cost me RM96. And I only used for a few months. All because of my carelessness. I think I left it in the computer lab. But I don’t feel like searching for it anymore. What are the chances of me meeting the person who took my flash drive? They could come from anywhere. Another faculty. Another college. Heck, maybe they just visited my faculty that day.

Yesterday after playing Dota with friends, Say Seong didn’t pay the parking fees, and was rewarded a summon. A RM100 summon. Now, should we five who followed his car help him with the summon? My conscience is telling me I should, but after taking a RM96 blow, I am feeling a little stingy. And then there is the RM10 steamboat we ate at our friend’s house. I don’t know if that’s expensive. But that’s another RM10 out of my pocket. So that totals to…..RM126 in a week. Hey, it’s not even one week yet. Sigh.

Today, after looking at my timetable, I feel even down. Except for this week, the following weeks are gonna have me having classes till 5 o clock in the evening. This equals to zero entertainment in the afternoons. Time to start studying, again. Sigh. I have to get use to this L

Juniors have entered and I don’t know what to talk to them about. You’ll come to think, after one year, I should have more confidence. But to tell the truth, I still have jitters talking to strangers or even starting conversations. I just can’t seem to think of what to say. It’s like, I prefer people to do the talking for me. Tonight I’ll be song leading in CG. Again, I am thinking whether I’ll screw up. My heart’s telling me everything will go well, except that, it won’t be that spectacular or memorable. That’s fine with me. I always want to be the one unseen. The one not picked out among the bunch. The one who wants to be hidden. Not conspicuous. It’s funny how I seem to feel people cannot remember me. It’s like, I don’t want them to remember me. That’s why I don’t really have close friends. I think it’s like something Aunt May told Peter Parker in the first spiderman movie. She tells him he does not want to let people know him.That he is afraid of people knowing him. Something like that. Sigh.

I wonder how this year with my new labmates will be. After reviewing who my new labmates are, I can’t say I feel enthusiastic about the combination. We’ll just have to wait and see what happens.

I just feel, problematic. I know this is just a phase. Hopefully, I’ll get through it fast. People have been asking me why I look so qiao2 cui4. They think I don’t have enough sleep. Well, let them think that.

The overdued birthday post

2006-06-20T20:58:00.000-07:00

Last Thursday was Hui Ming's birthday, and as her bf, I surely wanted to celebrate it with her. So, I DROVE(yes, you read right, I no longer have to take bus there!) down to Muar, even though her family wasn't that enthusiastic about the idea. This time I stayed at her house from Wednesday till Saturday. Though it may not sound long, it's the longest time I've stayed there.

This time, I think I chatted more with her family. Her father even taught me the basics of mechanics! Just kidding, he only taught me how to check my car so that you have a safe journey. Her mum treated me to meal after meal again. Make me paiseh. However, as always the food was delicious (except for the Thai styled food restaurant, it was nice, but a little too hot). I also got to meet her aunty's daughter and her husband. The husband really cracks me up. He really can "che da bao".

In memory of our time in KMM, I made a "treasure" hunt for Hui Ming so that she could find her present. Lol, I didn't have much time, so it was pretty simple. Besides, the places she had to find were inside her own house. I hope she had a fun time :)

To not be a forgetful jerk in the future, here are the presents I gave her.

The box for everything...

Friendster blouse!?!? Saw it in Phillipines and thought it was a funny thing.

Also from Phillipines. Just like how it looks.

This one is from Bum City. It's actually teddy bears.

Us again :) booyah~

Grandpa

2006-05-28T19:29:00.000-07:00

I can still remember it so clearly. I was in the toilet.Taking a big one. And then, I could hear my pulse stopping. Pausing for a flitting second. When I was done, I came out of the toilet, and saw Grandma sitting in her bedroom. She looked up at me wif sorrowful eyes."He just left like that," she said. Grandpa lay there, mouth opened up, but eyes closed. Still and lifeless. Dad rushed up to the bedroom immediately. I told dad the bad news. Tears welled up in my eyes. When I went downstairs, people were asking me whether I was crying. They didn't know. Luckily, all this actually only took place in my dream. I just woke up and found my eyes a little moist.

I don't quite know my Grandpa. I know he lives in Gadek, and then shifted here with Grandma to live with us. Since when he came, I've already forgotten. I know he loves his car and business. I know I have to call him to eat every evening. I know he seldom gets phonecalls(usually, my aunts and uncles will just ask me to call my Grandma to talk with her). I think he has a rubber plantation. Or he sells liquor. Or fruits. I know he's got an orchard.

Grandpa and I don't talk much. Everytime he comes and fetch me, it will be brutally silent. It's as if both parties wanna talk, but don't know what to talk about. Sometimes I wish I could ask him about his past and stuff. You see grandchildren listening to their grandparents talking about their glorious past in the TV. Why can't I be like that?

Grandpa and Grandma are always watching TV. It's like we don't think they even exist. They're just there. Sitting there watching their chinese soap dramas. I think we take them for granted. It's like we think they'll never leave. They'll always be there. Yet we don't take the opportunity to talk to them, get to know them.

We only do, when we realize it's too late.

p/s: happy birthday Yon Yon...

Too much free time

2006-05-25T12:20:00.000-07:00

You know you've got too much free time...
when you spend an hour plus scanning through friendster,envying the photos of others.

So long...

2006-03-28T17:20:00.000-08:00

Wow, it's been more than a month since I take up the initiative to write again :)
Many things have changed. We've found an apartment. It's quite costly, at RM1800 per month, not counting the water and electric bills. With only 6 people living in it, we'll have to pay a sum of RM257 (Say Seong is gonna have to pay double for taking one whole room to himself). It's a pretty hefty sum once accumulated. Therefore we're looking for another person to join us to lessen the burden. Hopefully we get one who is our coursemate.

Exam starting next week, and I am here releasing my thoughts welled up for a month :) I should be sitting at the table, studying like a geek till my eyes go all bloated like this O_O

I am getting very pissed off at our agent. She is a very troublesome woman without being considerate. She thinks of herself more than others, troubling us a many times. I have to stop this post abruptly just because of her phone call asking me to go to the guard house to pick up the fan she owes us.

Heaven knows when I'll write again.

Looking for an apartment

2006-02-21T17:17:00.000-08:00

I've been searching high and low these few days but still to no avail. Well, I am just gonna post what I am looking for here and hope some good samaritan give me some sources.

We're 6 students looking for a 3 room apartment for rent in University Tower, Petaling Jaya. Priced RM1800 and below.

Lonely Valentine

2006-02-15T20:04:00.000-08:00

This year, I can't really say I celebrated Valentine's day really happily. She was 450km away. And all she got was some crappy card(not one like tiuniasing's) and a glow-in-the-dark key chain(I suck at choosing presents).

How come I didn't go all the way to Kedah to celebrate with her? Many people ask me this question. I have a friend who was torn whether to go back to Penang to see his girlfriend. He even asked me how I would celebrate the day. I told him I wasn't going anywhere. Then another friend of mine scolded him "bei xiu"(don't know how to think, in Hokkien). That was all that made him take the leap of faith. He went all the way back to Penang, 4 hour trip, and came back just this afternoon. He is now celebrated as a hero.

Alright, back to me. You think I don't wish to go out with her? I would love to. Wouldn't want to miss such a special day with her! But then...

Going to Kedah is a 10 hour day trip. Even though "I had classes" doesn't really justify why I didn't make this trip for the sake of love, she was also having an exam at night. Let's say, I leave at night on the eve of Valentine's day, I would reach in the morning in Alor Setar. She has classes in the morning till 3.30pm. Even if I reach Alor Setar, I don't have a clue how to get to her hostel. Last time I went there, she drove down to fetch me. I guess I could take a bus to Changloon, and take a bus to UUM. Then? She wanted to study for the exam at night. I didn't want to distrub her preparations. If she did went out with me, I would feel guilty of robbing her precious time for preparations.

Sometimes, I feel it is me that is the selfish one. Maybe I don't want to pay the expensive bus fare(RM30 one-way). Maybe I don't want to waste so much time to go up there just to spend a few hours, maybe only 1 or 2 hours with her all in the name of love. Maybe... just maybe... she would be the one who came down?

Like what Venus mentioned, to love and to be loved, are two totally different things. Sometimes I just feel I want to be loved. Not that she doesn't love me, let me clarify, she does love me whenever she's around with me. I can feel the love emminating from her.

I felt really bad and lonely here. Seeing so many couples go out. Made me wanna go out too. But then, there are the circumstances. She wished me happy Valentine's day. I told her my Valentine's day wouldn't be happy without her being here. She told me "you think I am happy? You aren't here with me, and I still have an exam!"

The moral of the above paragraph is to be satisfied with what we have. "Zhi zu".知足. I didn't particularly like this song by Mayday, until the day both of us watched Mayday's concert on Astro TVBS. Somehow, this song gives me a soothing peaceful feeling. Like, everything's gonna be ok.

怎么去拥有一道彩虹
怎么去拥抱一夏天的风
天上的星星笑地上的人
总是不能懂不能知道足够
如果我爱上你的笑容
要怎么收藏要怎么拥有
如果你快乐不是为我
会不会放手其实才是拥有
当一阵风吹来风筝飞上天空
为了你而祈祷而祝福而感动
终于你身影消失在人海尽头
才发现笑着哭最痛
那天你和我那个山丘
那样的唱着那一年的歌
那样的回忆那么足够
足够我天天都品尝着寂寞
才发现笑着哭最痛wo…
如果你快乐再不是为我
知足的快乐叫我忍受心痛

My resolution for next year's Valentine day, prepare a better surprise. My friend's boyfriend bought her a RM400 watch. Would I do that? I know I wouldn't. RM400 can be use to do so much. "Bu she de" to use it on a watch only. Next year, it won't be a keychain only. That much I can say.

This is a sad Valentine's day too. I heard that 2 friends of mine broke up with their partners yesterday. That's heartaching. Even the one who got the watch. Then again, I've only heard bad stuff about her partner. Maybe its a good thing? Who knows? God bless them both.

I have to share something tomorrow in CG. I decided to share on the topic "dishonesty". Will have to think of more things to say. Hope it doesn't finish too soon.

Finding a unit for next year is a drag. There's someone blocking our way from getting a unit, but we don't have the guts to tell it in his face. Tsk, moments like this make me want to repeat Aik Kheng's question, "Where are your balls?"

Hope everything will turn out fine in the end.

Just when I thought...

2006-02-10T23:35:00.000-08:00

That my days would continue monotonously, I actually brave the rain, got drenched, accidentally got lost, met my friend and her boy friend incidentaly at a bus stop I wasn't sure of whether to get down to, all in a day!

Will have to share something in CG next Thursday. No inspirations yet. But I think I'll share something about how God is there during our darkest hours. Or maybe something about what we wouldn't want to sacrifice most.

Conned

2006-01-24T19:09:00.000-08:00

Last Sunday, Alex, Calyn and me were walking back from church, like always. Suddenly, a blue proton wira pulled up beside us.
"Hello, you guys know how to get to the shelter at jalan gasing ah?"
It was a young Indian guy. Should be in his late twenties.
We didn't know the way to any shelter. So we asked him how he got here. He told us that somebody gave him directions to turn left after going past a traffic light and past a famous restaurant... Kesimpulannya, we didn't know where the hell he wanted to go.
"You guys are christians ah?"
We nodded.(Later I realize why he asked this question)And he started asking whether we knew "Father Everest", an Indian pastor who he was supposedly helping. Of course, again we didn't know.
Then he asked, whether he could borrow a phone and call this person. He would call the person and pass the phone to us so that we could get the directions from that guy. Alex flipped out his phone and unwittingly passed it to him. The Indian guy even borrowed a pen and paper from me.
I sure as hell didn't want to talk to the Everest guy. So we started pushing responsiblities between ourselves. Then the Indian guy asked if anything was blocking the front of his car. As he's car was in the middle of a lane, we thought he wanted to parked his car in front, so we told him there wasn't anything blocking his car, only a curb.
He lowered his handbrake...
And sped off...
Leaving us gaping at him.
"Eh, is he gonna make a turn in front?"
"Where's he going?"
"IS HE COMING BACK??"
"ALEX! YOUR PHONE!"
"Wait! Wait! Lemme call him!!!"
Do do.... do do... "hello, this is the voicemail of ..."
"SHIT!"
And that was how Alex's phone got conned away :(
We were so innocent. Hai... what's happened has happened. Never lend your handphone to a person who can get away in a flash. Lesson learnt.

My results

2006-01-10T19:31:00.000-08:00

I got a "B"! MEM050020... the one at the upper space.

Laundry

2006-01-10T19:26:00.000-08:00

In the laundry room.
There's a musty smell.
Of soap left too long.
Of unclean washing machines.
Zeroes.
All the machines aren't functioning.
All waiting.
Waiting for somebody to feed them.
Coins.
That's what they eat.
They'll gobble down a certain amount: RM2.
Then their stomach will start to work.
Secreting water and spinning around.
Till the clothes are wet and soapy.
Sometimes they won't work after you feed them.
That's when you feel like kicking and pummeling them.
But it's not their fault.
Whose fault is it?
I don't know :)

World's largest monopoly

2006-01-06T17:43:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I went to 1-utama, and lucky enough, spotted a giant monopoly board on the lowest floor. Curiosity took over us, so JJ, Alex, Chan Fu and me decided to go down to check it out.

What's this??

Wow!!!

It's the world's largest monopoly event! Where people become tokens and the dice are 50 times bigger!

With my brains, Alex's legs, JJ's hands, Chan Fu's management, we decided to join. Sure la we join, the price is so attractive! Daily grand price is one nokia 6630, nokia 1600, monopoly 70th anniversary set, and one water ~~gun~~ rifle.

The team! Alex, JJ and Chan Fu!

We were lucky enough to be the last team to participate(later we'll be cursing). We began to make up strategies. Which property to buy. Hotels or houses. How to ~~divide our winnings~~ spend the monopoly cash.

JJ became the dicethrower(try guessing what his job is), Alex the token, and Chan Fu and me on the financial side. We were damn surprise to find out everyone were "randomly" given 2 properties and 1 utility/station. Shit. All our strategies thrown out the window. AND being the last group also meant we were the last to throw the dice. We were trailing behind most teams and properties were swap up before we even had the chance to step on it.

Sent to jail! Not for cheating la...

However, we manage to build at least 2 hotels (each one costing the unfortunate player a whopping RM7500 payment!*evil laugh*), and earn RM39+++, which was about 2.5 times more than our modal. We manage to get 2nd place for the round. The daily grand prize winner earned RM81+++. She was that lucky.

Our prize, a watergun and a dragon copter from Duel Masters. We had a laughing good time. When we went back, we even created a short movie with the toys using my nokia 3230 camera video. But the bad thing was, nearing the end of the video, the sound was all screwed up. It was faster than the pictures. Anyone knows why this happens and how to settle it?

Chan Fu taking the prize from a chiobu! Damn!

Oo... really a memorable event to start the year!

B

2006-01-06T09:45:00.000-08:00

Yes! Thank God! I got a "B"! I only expected to get a "C", it's God's blessing to get a "B"! I'm SO HAPPY!

1 second thought

2006-01-05T13:56:00.000-08:00

How much impact have I left in the minds of others? Who will remember me and how will I be remembered?

The end of year 2005 summary post

2005-12-31T22:55:00.000-08:00

Phew. It's fast isn't it? January 2005 I was still in Matiks. And I already forgot how I celebrated the eve of new year. I don't want to forget it this time. From 7pm onwards, I've been in the computer lab. Now it's 10pm. Guess I'll stay here till 12am kot!

After reading Jason's post, I feel a need to write down what I think of this year.
A lot of things have happened, some shocking, some expected, some memorable and some saddening.
And now, I begin this rerun of my life...

Happiest event: Hui Ming celebrating my birthday with me! I really feel blessed to have her by my side on the day I was born!

Ming looking oriental :)

Scariest event: The orientation for first year medic students! Glad that's over!

Best present for the year: My nokia 3230 handphone given to me by my dad! This handphone has really gave me all kinds of entertainment. Functions as a mp3 player, game machine, novel, and movie clip player! Can't forget to mention the wallet Ming gave me too!

Favourite post: 1 year.Can't help myself thinking back to that day.

The thing I didn't believe I could do: Go all the way to Kedah and meet Hui Ming, and her friends, then driving in Kedah.And also meeting Hui Ming's parents.

Ming and her buddies ^_^

Friend I rediscovered: Ching Hooi. I didn't know he was THAT funny till I came to uni. Even though he may be quiet at times, he's really someone you can talk to without worrying. Good to have him as a pal.

Ching Hooi pondering...

Most saddening event: Discovering the occurence of a FUU. This was the time I felt most heartbroken. Never could I imagine myself sharing something important yet not feeling any happpiness in doing so. Somethings are just not meant to be shared.

Post I can't remember what happened: Torn in Between.I can't remember what happened in this post.

Most memorable celebration: Merdeka day celebration. So many friends went plus it was my first massive celebration in KL!

Yea, Merdeka!

Favourite outing: When Ming came to KL. That was the best.

Smoke gets in your eyes...

Suprise of the year: Ming getting me so many presents for my birthday. I didn't expect it to be THAT many. Looks like it's up to me to surprise her next year!

Disappointment of the year: Not celebrating Ming's birthday with grandeur. It was celebrated in a simplistic fashion. Not something I am proud of.

Next year I'll try to make it better

Can't think of anything else. Will add more if it comes to mind. If I had a wish for 2006, let there be something new yet not bad in my life.

Eve of new year

2005-12-31T20:33:00.000-08:00

Spent in the computer lab of sixth college!
Chose this over the crowded sea of people at Bintang walk. Did I choose rightly?

Ramblings

2005-12-30T12:12:00.000-08:00

Ah, it's been a long time since I last typed here. I keep telling myself I'll write someday but keep on dawdling.
What's happened lately? I just finish a Christmas performance not too long ago, and will now be in the Malam Kebudayaan performance next week. Budget control for Malam Kebudayaan has been giving us headaches. The chinese sketch too. Maybe it's a little racist, but the Chinese seem to have monopolize the budget for the performances. Someone did voice this out but I don't think anyone heard about it.
Thinking of buying a pendrive. It would be much easier than using my card reader. But then again, I need to transfer my photos from my handphone to cardreader 1st then only to the computer... silly me. getting a pendrive wouldn't help out much.
Progressive evaluation later is something which I'm glad has nothing to do with our end-results. That way I can do it terribly without any remorse.
On the look for Full Metal Alchemist the movie. Heard from my friend it's out in chinese subtitiles.
Haven't studied much for the whole month. Busy with those activities. Don't know how long it will take for me to catch up. Planning whether anot to go for countdown. Should or shouldn't?
If I go, it would mean sweaty armpits, stuffy places and limb crushing. But this is my first year not celebrating at home! So, where should I go? Bukit Bintang again? Went there during Merdeka, quite fun, but tired as hell the next day.
After next week, things will revert to normal again. WE'll be busy with lectures again, and we have to study hard again. The best thing about CBL was that we had so much free time. Sigh...

Dumping stuff

2005-12-13T23:00:00.000-08:00

Hoo... this whole month is definitely gonna be a damn busy month for me. Christmas night, Malam Kebudayaan. Especially the Malam Kebudayaan. Being the head of persembahan gives one unknown levels of pressure. I worry day and night, what if this performance doesn't come out "nice"? Where the hell are we gonna find more actors? Who's gonna dance cooperate with the Indians? How much of the budget do we ACTUALLY need?

Going to a malam kebudayaan meeting feels good for me. But not for others. I think people my members actually feel sad to see me. This's because I'm there to make their lives more busy. Make them more stress. Give them the load. So that I feel lighten. So that I have more free time. I divide the work to them, they go back and toil all they need, and they report back to me. And that's when I get a new set of brain buster problems.

Christmas night is cool. I get to be the main character. I get to worry if I forget my lines and mess everything up. I get to worry I stiffle a laugh when I'm not suppose to.

Besides, I'm also the emcee. I don't know how Jade wants it done, but I'm afraid I can't keep up with her. From what we discussed this morning, it seems so simple. We come out, intro intro, usher in the next thing in the timetable, event finishes, we come out again, comment on the event, then usher in the next event. But what are we going to comment? I'm afraid I don't know what to ask or answer for that matter. Then do we prepare scripts? But she is so unfree!!!! She's like a celebrity doctor who is so busy you have to book her time.

Last weekend, manage to stowaway to Muar. I actually spent a night in Muar with Hui Ming's family. It wasn't a bad outing. I mean, now her parents acknowledge me as her boyfriend (Yea! Before, I don't know if they did). Her 4th sis was around. So we didn't have that much private time. I even got a Christmas present from Hui Ming's mom. A shirt and a box of chocolates :)

Our new learning system is crap. Even though it gives us lenghthy leisure time, but we have to stop being spoon fed and look up stuff ourselves. No lectures. We don't know what to study! We don't know how much to study! The scope is so broad! I understand when some people say that doctors shouldn't be exam oriented but I say what the heck... I put survival in medical school first before being a doctor who can blabber out any answer whenever a patient spews out a question on his rare unseen disease.

Feels good to dump all this things out.

My Birthday

2005-11-28T19:55:00.000-08:00

My birhtday this year couldn't have been any better.

With Hui Ming at my side, celebrating with a few close pals, and also with my family, I feel so happy that I have all the things that are most important to a person( according to Zhu Ying: family, friends and lover).

This year, I got:

3 shirts (1 from Hui Ming and 2 from my parents)
A wallet (from Hui Ming)
1 phone cover and pouch (from my bro and sis)
1 wrist band containing a bleach watch (from ah feei, cheok and mei yun)
2 packs of underwear (from the song family... don't ask me why they gave me this)
a set of "dashing" men's deoderant (from Goh family)
a choir singing happy birthday for me (from Ah Lye, this one was special :P)
RM50 (from my grandparents)
Many SMS from my friends

So H-A-P-P-Y!

Hui Ming just left 4 hours ago. Hai... wish she could stay longer. She and all the others around me had gave me a really special birthday. I'll really miss this day. Wish it could start over again :)

On Clubbing

2005-11-12T19:13:00.000-08:00

I've never step into a night club before. Wonder how it's like?
Always have been curious, but then I can imagine myself shelled up in a corner not socializing. I am that kind of person :)
Most famous club I know is Zouk. But don't know where it is.
Do people dance all night in the club? Guys fondling girls? Everybody getting drunk? Stuff like this? Or is it like a night at the Mamak, only higher class?
Will find out one day.

Vampire

2005-11-06T10:54:00.000-08:00

Yesterday night, I realize, am I not like a vampire?

One who takes from others, for his own pleasure?
One who is uncaring towards the victim, just so to gain something precious from the victim?
One who requires the victim to survive?

I stole your happiness and trust yesterday night. I have toyed them, and made fun of them. When you actually were so happy, so thankful to me, so satisfied with my answer, I shattered all those dreams.

I have sinned. I have broken one of my vows. Not to cheat you. But this is also cheating in a sense. Cheating you and breaking my promises. Cheating you and not trusting you back.

I have hurt you. I have broken your heart. Making you choose between two. When you want both. But life is cruel. Some decisions need to be made.

Why couldn't I have accepted it? What's wrong with the idea of having another friend? A very good friend?

Blame it at my heart. Blame it that it isn't big enough. Blame it at my selfishness. Blame it that it can't share someone as wonderful as you with another. Blame it at everything else except yourself. It is no longer your fault. The weight has now shifted over to me. Before this, you blamed yourself for doing this behind me. Now you can rest at ease. You have done the right thing while it is my turn to carry the guilt. And it is untasteful to me.

You have been wronged. You are innocent. I was happy that he still accepted you as a friend. In my heart, it said that if he didn't want you as a friend anymore, then he shouldn't be your friend. I would have feel even lower by then.

I feel so low. So shrewd. So evil. The epitome of badness. I feel like screaming out for "Help", when I shouldn't even be the one screaming for it.

I am sorry for being the vampire that I am. I am a vampire. A vampire. Bloodsucker. Happiness sucker.

Will you still love me? Will you still have the same trust in me? Am I still the one you want? Am I forcing you to be with me? Are you tied up with shackles, not free to go? Do you feel caged up like a bird desiring freedom?

How does a vampire return what it has stolen?
How does a vempire return the blood he took from his victim?
Can he make it revert to it's original state?

I have stolen your freedom. How do I give it back to you? Is there any way to do it?

I weep in my heart. For I have scarred you. I have marred your perfect texture. A part of you will no longer love me.

What I can do now, is continue loving you. And that's not even a punishment for what I've done.

Fuu~ What a day!

2005-11-05T12:34:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, it's just good that we hear the truth. We don't need to worry what the other will think. No need to be afraid of the consequences. No need to hide anymore...

Sometimes, when the truth comes, it just must be accepted. Nothing can be changed unless you agree to being a psychopath. It's just the way things are. The better you accept it, the less pain you feel.

Sometimes, having an open heart can make you accept things easily. You can smile and say, "Yea, it's ok". Even though your feelings inside are mixed up as if it had just gone through a blender. All mixed up. Until you can't see which is which. Can't differentiate sorrow with happiness. Can't see the anger hidden within.

I wonder how I can be so calm after hearing such shocking stuff. Is it because after reading "Monster" and seeing how Mr Grimmer is, no feelings at all, I choose to be like him? To bottle up my feelings? I am afraid. Afraid of the day, should I have no control over my feelings, they will pour out, not like milk trikling from a bottle, but like the raging floods. I am afraid. To have no control over them at all. That's where you should come out. That's the scene you appear to control the monster in me.

Am I betrayed?
Am I to open?
Am I feelingless?
Am I not accepting what I should accept?
Am grieving inside while smiling outside?
Am I myself?
Or am I acting?

I don't know.

It's good to accept things as they are. And thank God for everything you've been through. Thank God for allowing honesty and truth to prevail. Wouldn't want to be the last to know.

Deepavali with Gumunan

2005-11-02T02:44:00.000-08:00

Went to Gumunan's house today with Ming Hua and consumed all but one of his Muruku! As Yoda would say, "Really tasty, this things are!"

Gumunan hasn't change much. Still his old self. Except more jolly I guess. Maybe coz he's put on a little weight.

I still remember the days when we would tease each other. He would always say that Chia Qi fancied him more than she did on me. Haha. As if.(I don't think she ever fancied both of us >_<)

Just realize he's my only Indian friend. Which means the only house I can visit during Deepavali :(

Gumu hasn't change much

And now, just for fun :)

Visited Muar Again

2005-11-01T02:10:00.000-08:00

Yea, the title says it... visited Muar again... got to see Hui Ming's cute face again :)

We didn't go to anywhere new, but I realize that the best time we had was actually sitting down after lunch to chat. Not scampering around Muar looking for stuff to buy. Not walking around the stalls sniffing what smells so good. Hmm. Maybe one day, we should just spend the whole day sitting at a cafe sipping coffee and chat about the silly things life has to offer. Wonder what Hui Ming thinks of this. I think she prefers shopping though :)

Bought quite a lot of stuff in Muar. Surprisingly. A screen protector for my 3230 (which is healthy at the moment), 2 guides to Full Metal Alchemist (which I think isn't that worth it), 1 comic about medical life (I have a strange fascination to comics relating to medicine), 1 pair of special scissors, and 80 (yup, 80! 50 for Feei and 30 for me!) otak-otak.

Oh yea, met a tramp today. At the bus stop while waiting for Ming.
Tramp: "Erm, how do I get to Melaka from here?"
Me : "Eh? You can't, you have to go to somewhere else to get the bus..."

Then I start explaining how I usually go back (don't know he was listening anot), and that I wasn't a local here. He started telling me why he came to Muar (to find a job), and how hard it is for him to find a job there (the factories preferred pekerja asing to chinese workers, cheaper), and how poor he is for travelling from Ipoh (he's from Ipoh, see) to JB to Muar and not even having a job.

Suddenly, he asked me could I spare him some cash! Huh? My heart was twinging. I don't even know this guy and he wants cash from me? On the other hand, he's so poor, how's he suppose to go to Melaka? Maybe he's a con man? Out of sympathy, I gave this fellow RM2 (he asked for RM10, no way I'm gonna give him THAT much...) and he was much happier.

I asked him where he was living, and his answer was ... surprise, surprise... in the temple. Oh. This strenghten my belief that I had just been conned by a beggar. Then he started to take leave. I couldn't help do a small leap of joy in my heart. Well, I'll never know if I just got conned. Chances are I most probably did. On the brightside, I only gave him RM2. Imagine RM10 flying away! Horrendous!

My exams is just 3 weeks away. And I have so many distractions around me. Yipee. Gotta start doing past years (they are so f*cking hard!).

I got a "B"!!!

2005-10-25T16:17:00.000-07:00

Getting an improvement in my results is a good enough reason for a new post. I got a "B" for my anatomy CONASS!

Inevitable Death

2005-10-23T13:31:00.000-07:00

Death has been lingering frequently around my ears these days. Always receiving news that somebody passed away already. Maybe the people now who passed away may not be as important as others in my life, but what if one day, someone important to me, passes away?

Today I heard a DPHS lecture on 2 things inevitable in life: Birth and death. Both are opposites. One signifies the coming of a new life into this world, while the other indicates the departure of an old life to the next world.

I remember, when I was still in high school, I spent a night in my Grandma's house during the vacation. There, I managed to dig up a old book belonging to my Mum. Titled "Beyond the light", the book discussed near death experiences of various individuals and also talked about people who died and managed to return to share their experiences. I don't remember quite a lot of what I erad in this book, but it sparked my interest in thinking what would be beyond Death's door.

A fellow brother in my church once came up with this theory that we were all living in the 3rd dimension. Then there were higher dimensions where higher beings which we didn't know existed lived. And the upper most level was our God. Come to think of it, if we pass away, maybe we just go to another dimension? Where we begin our life again? This theory sounds just like being reincarnated.

The anime, Bleach, also shows how when you die, you go to another society, where life isn't much different at all(maybe the creator just wasn't creative enough ^_^). Christianity says that once we passed away, we will be judged by our God.

Where does our conscience go once we breathe our last breath? Along with our body? Or just like a computer, it shuts down and is never on again?

Doctors are people who strive to bring life back to people who are sick, or ill. But when it comes to death, it's altogether another thing. According to the lecturer, some doctors actually can't bring themselves to tell the patients about the death of their loved ones and need some one who is more socially able to convey the message. A counsellor perhaps.

Which brings me to wonder, when will I cause my first fatality, and how will I tell the family of the patient?

I admit, even though I'm a Christian, who shouldn't be afraid of death, it worries me if I should someday see people who are close to me die horrible deaths (maybe I've had an overdosage of horror movies >_<).

I've often (now no more la..) dreamed of waking up in my home and finding nobody in it anymore. Then there's this foreboding feeling in my dream that everyone isn't there not because they've gone on vacation. And when I wake up and see my family sitting in the utility room, mum revising with my brother and sisters, my sister complaining about how hard the questions are, and my brother grinning back at me, tears do come to my eyes. I really feel I don't cherish my family enough.

Friend of my brother

2005-10-19T12:45:00.000-07:00

Today, switched on friendster, saw a few messages and a new friend request.
Friend request was from pal of my brother.
While messages was also from the same guy.
The message: I'm a friend of your brother.
Why do I even bother adding him?

One cannot have 2 masters at the same time

2005-10-07T14:22:00.000-07:00

Its been quite a while for me sitting in front of the computer.

Been wondering, am I chasing earthly riches too much? Am I being too materialistic? Desiring getting stuff only money can buy...

Or should I put more faith into God, and follow his words more? Invest more in Him?

But can investing in God ensure you the thing you need for everyday use: money?

Some say put faith in Him and he will take care of you. But I don't know how to do it. I can't imagine myself not doing anything and having cash flow into my pockets.

But still, this is still a question of faith, and I don't claim to be a staunch christian.

How doctors find romance

2005-10-05T12:15:00.000-07:00

Ever wonder how doctors go around finding romance? Being so busy, having to go on-call for 24 hours, how do they find the time??!!

Even though they have little time, they do meet a variety of people during their work. Think about it. A doctor can start a relationship with a patient (but it's supposedly against ethics), a fellow doctor (this is the best choice, my parents are an example), a staff of the hospital (the secretary perhaps?), or even the nurses there (can do perverted stuff with nurse uniform...).

Well, today I came across a tool which is pretty much useful in starting a relationship, and the best part is, its specially made for doctors!

Tada~

A stethoscope for two! Now you don't have to be the only one who can hear your heart beating!

With this amazing invention, a doctor can now profess his love to his partner, by letting him/her hear their heartbeat!!

"Dear, can you hear my heart beating so strongly for you?"

"Loud and clear!"

The wonders of technology...

p/s: yesterday was Joyce Khoo's birthday, a girl I met here in Uni. She's from Penang and can't speak chinese :)
She never gets angry and laughs at most of my jokes (which aren't that funny at times).
Happy birthday Joyce!

Ming's Kl Trip

2005-10-01T03:23:00.000-07:00

Last weekend was very special and meaningful to me, as Hui Ming manage to come to KL just to visit me. Imagine, one girl, going on a trip, from Sintok, Kedah to the heart of Malaysia, Kuala Lumpur... all alone, 8 hours. So touching!

We went to a few malls: Sungai $, Times Square, and Suria KLCC... and did plenty of shopping.

Mini Strip

HENG! Don't care about you anymore, since you didn't buy me anything! KIAMSIAP LO!
(Actually, I'm not really a kiamsiap lo... seriously :D)

Hai... got a kiamsiap bf... so shitty...

What you looking at somemore?

Hmm... lemme guess...

BECAUSE I PRETTY IZZIT???

AIYAH... I KNOW LA! DON'T SAY MA! NOW PEOPLE PAISEH LIAO!!

Ok la, let you see my teeth... but must buy shoes for me later ah! Hee~

(The conversation for the above strip is purely fictional. Hui Ming didn't say any of those stuff ^_^)

I really felt like when I was in Japan, where my legs were so tired but I still had to continue walking(thanks to dad's train trip plan T_T)

I even got a shirt and a Snoopy plush toy from Hui Ming! Sadly, forgot to take a photo of them :(

I got Hui Ming her name made out from twisted metal, but didn't manage to take a picture of it
:(

What if I poked her butt? XD

But this isn't the important thing. Important thing is I got to spend time with my love, and I realize that, it doesn't matter if you don't talk much when you're together, actually, just being with her is what I want. I mean, though we don't talk as much as we did, I still had a good time, we still fooled around. Even if words don't sputter out, we can still be together. I believe we can make it happen. Continue this relationship even if we are over 400 kilometres apart.

Hui Ming has been a lot better since I didn't pester her with sms. I have also made up my mind to make use of my time more, instead of mopping over why she hasn't reply me yet. Life has to continue.

Hui Ming, she is a dear person to me, and she will always hold an important place in my heart.

What are those lines????

Now, time for a little fun!!! Guess what this is!
(WARNING:IT IS ADVISORY NOT TO LOOK AT THIS PICTURES BEFORE, DURING OR EVEN AFTER A MEAL. MAY CAUSE SLIGHT NAUSEA, DIZZINESS AND EVEN DAMAGE OF KEYBOARD DUE TO EXCESS VOMITTING. PROCEED AT YOUR OWN RISK.)

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EWW...GROSS!

Urgh... I don't feel so good...

For the Kedah trip post, the guy is not real. This is so totally obvious! No price for that!

Life at this moment

2005-09-28T17:33:00.000-07:00

Has been pretty stressful. Cos I have been pushing myself to study more. Now at least I can say I understand lipid metabolism ~~(test me!!!!)~~

Haven't uploaded my pictures yet. Wonder whether I should go home just to upload em. It's gonna be a fuss for me to store pictures through the computers here.

Tomorrow onwards, I'll be joining DXN. A group introduced to me by my buddy. Kok Wai's a member already and yet he still could get double A's for his test. While I who hasn't even join got a C and a E. Damn. Gonna join without parents consent. They didn't want me to join last time, cos they were afraid I would neglect my studies. Well, again, I'm gonna proof them wrong (last time was when I started my relationship with Hui Ming). A friend advice me to consider properly too before I choose to join a group. Maybe I haven't done enough research. But I think I've got plenty of guidance here from seniors (and hopefully my fellow coursemate) to succeed in this. It will still depend mostly on me. And I still fear my parents' reaction if they find out I joined without letting them know. But, I believe I should start making my own decisions. To learn to make choices in life. To differentiate right, from wrong. So, I pray this is a right decision.

Still have draft on Hui Ming's trip to Kl. Need to upload pictures before I put that post up. Found out sleeping ~~early~~not-so-late and waking up early to study is much more better. At least I didn't doze off in lecture.

Kok Wai's eye test says that I have problems in my intestine, kidneys, and "qi guan" (trakea??). Hui Ming did the test too, and she had around the same problems. My stress level according to him was 3 out of 4. Hai, I really am stressed. Wanting to get better results, thinking about how to spread my time well on DXN, thinking of getting a scholarship, thinking of whether to go home anot... so many things on my mind. Wonder if there will ever be a day I don't have to think so much.

I await the arrival of that day........

The Wall of H23

2005-09-21T17:32:00.000-07:00

Having just found out that I ~~fucked up~~ did really really terrible in my exam two days ago, I felt that I've had enough play and am ready to gear up for my next incoming exam. Yesterday, having gone to celebrate Hui Chean, Xun Woei and Lin Yee's birthday at UT (which was pretty boring for me, as being the quiet one, there wasn't much interaction from me with the others), and watching Desperate Housewives after that, feeling full of guilt, I studied till 1.30am, which wasn't considered very long as I started at 12am. Well, plans for tonight is to study prosaction and biochem when I get back to my room!

Anyway, today, I want to introduce the residents of the wall of my room... which has increased substantially over the past few weeks, thanks to my habit of buying magazines just for their posters!

~~Actually I just want to take this chance to show off my posters!!!~~

Overview of *pause, then play sound of thunder cracking*, THE WALL

My towel which I use to wipe ~~the sweat of my butt~~ myself after a bathe and my ~~smelly~~ trusty face towel.

Dangerous hook left by the past resident. Might fall off any moment.

Revision of two five-star pictures. The brachial plexus and the carpal tunnel.

Must have been a memorable LRT trip for the past resident for him to stick up this ticket...

And now, on to the posters!!!!

My favourite one currently, and one of the latest additions to THE WALL. I got this poster from an old issue of Gempak. This is one of my favourite games, though I ain't particularly good at it. It's one of the strategy games which I didn't use any cheats to beat through the campaign, and enjoyed it immensely.

This poster was featured quite a while ago, and now resides on my wall. I love this poster, as I love the manga, and I got it on a visit to Hui Ming's place. It acts as a memento.

Being an avid fan of "L" (due to his weird and quirky ways... and his smart brain of course... too bad he died an undeserving death...), I couldn't resist myself to pick up this poster of his posse from a comic weekly magazine. Didn't pay much attention to the manga in the magazine cos most of my favourite ones were accessible from the internet.

These 2 CLAMP creations were a bonus from a STARZ magazine I bought. Not really into CLAMP's comics though.

And that concludes our the tour of *pause, then play sound of thunder cracking*, THE WALL.

Stuff that would make *pause, then play sound of thunder cracking*, THE WALL even better:

A Full Metal Alchemist poster
A sexy piece of underwear
A clock
Many sexy poster girls

Till next time folks!

p/s: As a grim reminder, I got a "C" for physio and a "E" for biochem for the CONASS. Meaning I failed my Biochem. Hopefully next time I post better results. But I ain't expecting good news for my Anatomy CONASS. Have to pull my socks up.

Kedah trip

2005-09-17T15:40:00.000-07:00

I went to Kedah last holiday. I wanted to spend some time with Hui Ming after being apart for so long (2 months may not seem long to some, but I was already feeling uneasy.)

Ants invading my room...

The fun way to get rid of em...use a tape and stick em to it..I know its cruel, but it's damn enjoyable :)

My trip there was pretty time consuming. To get to Kedah from KL, it will take about 6 hours. I took the late night bus and had to go to Pudu at around 9pm. It was also the last bus to Pudu, and I was the last passenger. Naturally, I was worried that at any time, a mugger might get on the bus and demand all my $. Good thing this never happen.

The bus at night... with nobody except me in it... spooky...

On the express bus to Kedah...

Alor Setar bus terminal in the wee hours of the morning...

Reached Alor Setar on Thursday, and Huai Ling together with Huai Yin brought me to the famed Kedah school Keat Hwa.

proof to my buddies that I have set foot on Keat Hwa ground

The highlight of this trip was my meeting with Hui Ming. She hasn't change much, still same old same old bright and cheery. Although, I find we do talk less than usual. Maybe it was because we haven't seen each other for so long. On the car, I was constantly racking my brains for stuff to talk. Why has it become so? Does it mean, when a guy can't communicate well with his gf, problems are arising?

Warm reception from Hui Ming's buddies. To show her I still remember all their names, I'll start naming them from the left clockwise. 6th sis Jing Ting, 4th sis Yi wen, 1st sis Angie, 2nd sis Rui Qi, 5th sis Yi Jing.

Paul, the ~~guy~~ good samaritan who let me stay in his room

Yay, let's camwhore!

One more time...

Hui Ming: Enough already, you can camwhore youself silly...

Hui Ming fell sick on Friday, and our trip to Padang Besar was cut short. She didn't feel well and we tried to go back to her hostel so that she could rest earlier. I was really disappointed. Having gone all the way up to Kedah, my Friday night was spent alone in a hostel room. I wanted to ask her down to have a walk, but knowing she was sick, I refrain myself from doing so. In the end, I did try asking her down, but she was asleep already.

Kedah's famous green pastures.

Hui Ming can't seem to find the diet food section

Fell sick and had to be rushed back to Uni

Saturday was my last day there. We did meet an hour before I left to have a chat. Before I left, we hugged. I was sad to see her eyes teary and her mouth trembling as I was about to leave.

Last I saw of Hui Ming

Hopefully, next holiday we will be able to spend more time together. Also hopefully, our bridge of communication doesn't break. I see cracks.

Now for ur guessing pleasure, is this guy real?

See the guy wiping the poster?

The last smile

2005-09-12T19:36:00.000-07:00

Lately, been listening to "Nan Quan Mama"'s new album. With the addition of a new female member, I find their songs have a renewed feeling. Although it isn't as hip hoppish as before, the ballads sound really good this time. One of the notable songs are "zui4 hou4 yi4 mei2 xiao4 rong2", or translated to be "the last smile".

The verse that touch me most is this:
"ni3 ai4 wo3 de nei4 rong2, zen3 jing1 bu4 qi3 shi2 kong1"

Translated:
"The contents(??) of our love, why can't it beat time (I suck at translating...)"

Mainly its saying that as time passes, their love deteriorates...
I wonder how true is this... Am I experiencing it? Why do I keep making myself seem to be in a poor light? I feel I am the one demanding too much from her...

A Good Bf?

2005-09-12T19:08:00.000-07:00

What is a good bf?

A guy who keeps asking what his gf needs and gets it for her?
A guy who waits patiently for his gf however long it takes?
A guy who showers the girl with gifts and surprises her every second?
A guy who misses his gf every second and keeps contacting her whenever he's free?
A guy who can talk with his gf for hours?
A guy who gives his gf good sex?
A guy who gives up his time to do other things for his gf's sake?
A guy who doesn't get tired of looking at his gf?
A guy who likes what his gf likes?
A guy who would do any trivial thing his gf ask?
A guy who takes care of his gf as if she was his dying mother?
A guy who doesn't complain about his gf?
A guy who doesn't scold his gf?
A guy who can play with his gf?
A guy who can be used to show off in front of friends as a role model bf?
A guy who has the looks?
A guy who isn't boring?
A guy who can take care of himself?
A guy who would give his all just to see his gf?
A guy who is willing to spend just so to please his gf?
A guy who understands what his gf needs?

Then what if the guy can't do all this? Is a guy possible of doing all this? How is a guy defined as a good bf?
I wonder...

Journey to Kedah

2005-09-06T16:06:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow begins my journey to Kedah in search of my dear Hui Ming ^_^ I don't know what I will meet, and am full of worries and excitement. According to Hui Ming, I'll be spending the night in UUM's hostel. But what worries me is whether the guys there will welcome me. I mean, I am still considered a STRANGER... and nobody trusts a stranger right?

What if something goes missing? What if someone gets murdered? Wouldn't I be the prime suspect? Gasp!!

Anyway, I'll take the risk and go on with this plan. Its been so long since I met her. 2 months. I wonder. How it will be when we meet.

Sadly, I'll be spending a lot of my time on a bus. Still wondering what I can do to fill my time on the bus. Besides playing games on the handphone and reading a book, I can't think of any other things. Maybe I could start a conversation with another passenger. But everytime I do, I lose interest in a while and will feel tired of talking. Sigh...

Pray I have a safe journey.

Updates

2005-09-05T13:47:00.000-07:00

Did a lot of updating today. Updated my photo blog with pictures from my handphone. Blurred mostly, so can't complain much. Oh yea, my nokia 3230 has gone to see the doctor. So I have to put up with a cameraless nokia 6260 :(

Also created 3 albums through yahoo photo. Pretty handy. Can go have a look!

Tried out a programme from downloads.com, faststone image viewer. Pretty good appliance, at least I find it better than Ulead's photo express. Resizing images were a synch using faststone compared to photo express.

Will be going to Kedah this Wednesday but haven't book tickets yet. Still don't know where I'll stay too. Will have to start planning at this instance.

So many things to do but so little time!

Hui Ming is in Muar

2005-09-01T09:37:00.000-07:00

Knowing that she's at Muar now makes me ponder my next move more than ever. Should I go to Muar to meet her on Friday? I really really crave to see her now. Have been thinking a lot yesterday and wondering why Hui Ming is being less "ri qin" nowadays. I think over and over, what is wrong? Can I hold on?

CON-ASS Finished!

2005-08-30T23:02:00.000-07:00

Yes! Finally gotten over the stupid ass that is con-ass. Now, have to start planning for the holidays and tonight's merdeka celebration.

Another thing that has to be done is to shift my room, again. It's official that the guys who live in c-block are the official squatters of the college. Why didn't they make enough rooms for everyone? Or at least expand the college... Any way, my new room is quite clean and has a good view of the dewan makan. Looks like I get to peek more at dewan makan activities. Oh, I'll miss the days when we live under girls. No more girls yelling around. It seems we were complained by some girls, making us have to shift. Must be the noisy malays singing in the middle of the night. I can't believe how they can on heavy metal music at full blast and go to sleep.

Anyway, time to get into the mood to party!

MY PHONE IS MAKING ME PISSED!

2005-08-26T12:56:00.000-07:00

Actually, this anger shouldn't be directed to my phone. I blame it on the phone shop! How could they have given me, a valued customer, such a phone? Even the card reader I bought is unusable.

The day I went to buy my new phone, nokia 3230, I was ~~so happy~~ glad cos my old nokia 2100 could finally be put to rest. My faithful 2100 had been dropped, scratched, stuffed in an unattractive plastic package for close to 2 years. Even the keypad was getting a little hard to press. The idea of changing to a new phone had raise my anticipation and excitement.

But on the first day I got the phone, it already started to had problems. After using it for a while, like playing games or using the mp3 and movie function, the screen would blackout. The next day, I send the phone to the shop for repair. According to what the boss said, the programmes they installed in the phone was clashing with the phone system. I thought, never mind, just fix the phone. I had to go back to KL in about 2 hours time, and I didn't want to bring a messed up phone back there. 1 hour later, I returned to the shop and retrieve my phone. I also purchased a card reader, thinking it was necessary as I would want to transfer the images or mp3s in my phone to a computer (mainly I wanted to transfer photos so that I could post them on my blog). All was fine.

Until I reached KL. I used my phone to play a game of Rayman 3. And to my dismay, the screen went black again. @##$$@!

And then I tried the card reader today. It seems the computer detects the card reader. But when I put the memory card into the card reader, the computer doesn't detect it.

@#$%^&*!^&! again.

Now I am worried the shop won't change the card reader for me. I had thrown the box away when I opened the card reader. I am afraid that without the box, they won't give me a refund or change. Damn shitty if you ask me. The phone too. What if I give it to them for "repair", but they don't do anything again? I was thinking of asking the boss to change the phone to another phone. If can be same model is the best, if different model I'll have to think about it. Now I am more worried about the card reader. I don't want my RM39 to go down the drain. Btw, my phone is an AP model, not Zitron, so I don't think it's legal. Another shitty issue.

Hope I can settle this problem by the end of my holidays.

Low Results

2005-08-25T23:26:00.000-07:00

Having just received absolute low scores for my mock MCQ test, I am beginning to wonder if I'll make through next week's test. I mean, compared to my other coursemates, I actually FAIL the test. Most of my coursemates were either at the borderline or better than borderline. And here I am, still blogging ^_^

Speaking of exams, it reminds me of the old days: secondary school...

I still remember clearly, when the exam results came out, we students(well, not all...) were like hungry dogs grabbing for a thin slab of meat. All would surround the teacher, trying to get their own papers. Then the usual process would begin. Scrutinizing the marked paper like a critic watching a b-grade movie. Actually, we were trying to find the teacher's mistake, so that we could gain more marks. And then the debate with the teacher would begin. Usually, if the teacher can't stand us anymore, she/he would probably give in. Ala, one mark only ma, give ma give lor.. not like will die pun. Everyone wanted to be better than someone. We were that competitive. And that kiasu. Now that I think of it, we had taken quite a few... illegal measures just to get better results. I admit I was once a person who took these measures too, but I stopped when I felt how unfair it was and untrue it was to my ownself.

Damn, there's a malay senior distracting my thoughts. Good thing he's gone now. I am really worried I fail again in my MCQ. I still have a lot to cover. Time to go back.

The First Years

2005-08-22T14:57:00.000-07:00

Read a senior's comment on our first years, and started thinking about what he said. Actually, he IS pretty right. I still am wondering what I am doing now. My thoughts now are pretty much focused on getting through the exams unscathed. As long as I ain't the lowest or fail, my satisfaction is guranteed. Looking on the long run, do I just want to live just to survive the exams? I mean, these exams are like shackles, binding us. Even before going out to have some fun, or going home, there will be a war raging inside my head.

One side will sound like this, " Damn, you don't have to study ah? You think you enter medical school then can relax and play all day ah?"

The other side will retort, " You just have to mange your time well, going home doesn't mean you can't study."

But I have to admit, I didn't study the least bit when I went home. Too many programmes and with the computer constantly encouraging me to lighten up, how could I refuse the offer? I had a target when I came into this University. I wanted to be self dependent. No need to rely on my parents anymore on $$$. Control my own decisions. Do whatever I think is best for myself. However, I have mostly given up on an offer to be self dependent made by my buddy supersenior. All because my parents are against it. Hmm, looks like I am still under their control. Not that I want to rebel, but I think one day they'll have to let me decide for myself. I have to think before I buy things, because I don't want to waste their $$$. I have to think before I make any decisions to go anywhere because I know they might pull the plug anytime and I lose my chance to go somewhere.

Back to the main topic, what I want to blab about here are the first years of my batch. Even though we've been through hard times together (mostly due to orientation), I still think some are still strangers to me. Maybe we didn't get to talk much before, so we become reluctant to talk to each other.

Our first years are not a participative bunch. Today was a very good example. When ask who wanted to join and help for the lantern festival, nobody volunteered. Some were "kick out" by their good friends and had to take the job. Urm, to be honest, I am not very keen to be emcee for the night, since my passt experiences weren't that good. But since this job has been appointed to me, I shall accept it. Who knows, I might get to know more people, not only by name but get to know them more thoroughly. Another example is the one stated in the senior's blog. Unfortunately, my buddy was also one of the organiser's or the camp. She even requested me to help her recruit some people. Now I feel guilty as shit. Hopefully (again!), I can find some way to make it up to her.

Our first years, are pretty much divided into groups. There's a group which goes Pak Abu everynight. There's the studious group, day in day out studying, and always having a bookish look. There's the bright, witty girl group, giggling everywhere they go. And so many more unclassified groups. To me, this is a natural phenomena. When I was in KMM, this happened too. When I was in secondary school, this happened too. When I was in primary school, I can't remember anymore. Well, people tend to click with a few and start their own groups. I belong to the silent type (as stated in my last post...), therefore, I usually have nothing much to say when sitting with pre-grouped coursemates.

Our first years is many things more...

to be continued....

ps: I have a new hairstyle and might upload it some day when I am more free. also got a new hp. now I can start posting pictures without using digicam.

Today is Fo Qiang and Grace's birthday, happy birthday to both of them!

Introvert

2005-08-20T16:35:00.000-07:00

Last Wednesday, I attended a counselling session held in my university. We were made to do a personality test there. This test had 160 questions, but it didn't take us too long, as ~~most~~ all of them were just yes or no questions.

After doing this test, we had to analyse ourselves. Not surprisingly, I was typecast as an introvert. In fact, I was the only introvert in the room. Everyone was staring at me like I was Willy Wonka. Even the counselling student (note: not a counsellor yet, just a student in training) ask me to have a session with her. Embarassing.

Back to the introvert thing. So, I do feel that I ain't a sociable person. How many times have I had to try to make conversation with strangers? I don't even think I can hold a conversation for at least 5 whole minutes. I still remember during orientation week, I had to introduce myself for 3 minutes. Most people would be able to blab about themselves for hours. Not me. 3 minutes is HARD for me. Maybe I was to tensed up at that time, but it seems I can't find anything interesting about myself. Ask me what my talent is, and I have to look and look inside my brain for something special about me. The point is, I don't find myself special or excel in any thing.

Whenever I find a person I would like to start a conversation with, this is what goes through my brain:

how to introduce yourself so that you won't look like a total jerk
what to talk about when there is nothing to talk about
how not to be forgetable
where my courage is at this time

At first I thought blogging was special. Indeed, not all of my friends in KMM and Tampin blog. They either blog in chinese or just open a blog to gather digital dust and cobwebs. But I was surprise to find fellow coursemate Elisabeth to be a blogger. What's more, I also have a supersenior who blogs! Not that I am looking down or anything, but I just feel that I ain't as special as I thought. Well, I didn't blog to feel special anyway.

I have started writing a diary in a 555 book. To satisfy my blogging urges. Sometimes those rare thoughts come to mind and I don't want to miss them. However, this might lead to me blogging less.

My conass (read: CON-ASS, as in bluffing or cheating a butt) is coming up on August 30th. To top that, my buddy is giving me a mock exam next week. And I still have so many more notes to read and memorise. This feels damn shitty and pressuring. I mean I don't even know how much I understand. Compared to a lot of my classmates who keep firing up questions to the professors, I am always sitting in a corner, hoping the professor doesn't notice me. I guess sometimes I DO want to be INVISIBLE. Or maybe I am just introvert.

I hope to be labeled as extrovert someday. Maybe someday, I won't have to think much about talking, and just talk like there's no tomorrow. But it's because there's still tomorrow, I can't talk without thought. People might get offended or hurt. Talking and communicating with others is a delicate matter. So delicate, that one word can turn the tables on you. What went on like a enjoyful conversation might turn into a nasty fight if you say something wrong accidentally.

However, I really do hope I can be more sociable one day.

Photo blog

2005-08-20T02:43:00.000-07:00

Sigh, another one... Another blogger who creates a photo blog...
Well, I think having a photo blog will be much easier for posting those "fei fei" pictures... faster too with Hello.
So, visit my photoblog! Visions:mine!

Fast Photo album

2005-08-20T02:31:00.000-07:00

How to import many photos without having to browse and click one at a time? I am tired of adding photos one by one... is there a faster way where you can just highlight all the photos you want and upload them in one go?

I find it irritating, clicking browse, then selecting a photo, then clicking browse again for another photo... haven't human technology devise a simpler way yet?

I am a lazy pig

2005-08-01T22:24:00.000-07:00

Ever felt that you had so much to do, you just don't wanna do it? Hai... now that orientation finish, I have so much to study, and there are so much distractions! Pasar malam tonight, meet with Cheok and Lye tomorrow, pasar malam on Thursday...

However, I am looking forward to Friday. Cos my buddy Siang Lin is gonna introduce me to direct sales. Something like that. I hope to make some income while I am studying. Can't keep relying on my parents. If possible, would learn how to invest money. But then I feel I have so much things to study. Biochem, anatomy, physiology, all these stuff swirling in my head. I keep wondering when they will disappear. When will be the day I don't have to think of them again? Never again can I forget them. If I really do, I'll have to read up again. This sucks.

When will the next holiday be? Keep planning on how to meet up with Hui Ming or find her an accomodation here in KL the cheapest way.

I haven't finish Harry Potter yet. Too many books to read... Too many things to cover...
I have to finish them or I won't feel "an xin".

p/s: happy birthday Yuan Jun and Melchizedek (3rd year senior I got to know here)...

Finished Orientated

2005-07-30T22:10:00.000-07:00

Finally, the orientation finished yesterday. We act out some sketches, and I acted as a Drag Queen. Wonder if anyone recorded my act. Haih... these stuff usually goes unnoticed.

Finally got into a buddy line. My buddy line consist of great great great grandbuddy doctor senior Chan Kam Hong(have to give him a gift during his convocation), great great grandbuddy supersenior Foo Siang Lin (really nice guy!), great grandbuddy senior Lim Lee Ling (haven't met her yet, going to next week...), grandbuddy senior Loh Sze Yee (also a nice girl...), and buddy senior Wee Lee Shia (also a nice girl...). I have been accepted into the Keat Hwa line! Kedah Keat Hwa line! One of the prominent lines in our faculty...

Now that orientation is over, I feel a little sad. I'll have to start pouring over my books soon, and will hardly have any time to fool around. Sad sad sad.

PS: happy birthday to my friend Lo Wen Hao!!!

The second week

2005-07-23T01:43:00.000-07:00

The second week was equally scary, but we managed to earn something in the end. The first week of orientation was counted as the official UM orientation, where we got to meet other colleges and cheered (sixth college was vastly outnumbered and left no sort of impact on other colleges except that we did cute cheers) in the DTC. The following week was the college orientation. It was pretty much boring stuff until Friday. That was when the chinese orientation started. The final years started orientating us! Frankly, we did a lot of silly stuff to please the superseniors.

I won't forget the first time the superseniors barge into the lecture hall, superseniors shouting "look down! look down!". This is how they train us to stop being cocky. To be humble. They laid down the rules for us.

Always greet seniors when you meet them. Greet them this way: "Good morning/afternoon/evening to the most honourable supersenior/senior gentleman sir/lady ma'am, I'm the most humble freshie XXX from ." Superseniors are for fifth years, while seniors apply to second to fourth years.
We must look down in the presence of seniors. Chin touching the neck. We cannot look up, and must only know the senior by what shoes he/she wears (stupid eh?).
We have to collect a number of signatures from the seniors before the end of the day or else face the consequences.

We did a lot of silly things to entertain the seniors. Dances, songs... One guy even had to hug and profess his undying love to a pillar. Not to mention, we were scolded like shit too. But we got to be really close to the fifth year seniors. These people are gonna be really helpful in the future. And I'm thankful for this.

It was unfortunate we didn't get to know the 3rd year seniors and 4th year seniors good enough. They only had 2 days of orientating while the 5th years had close to a week.

I really pity the penangites, especially those from CLHS. They really have it hard for them as the seniors sometimes make them do "dirty" things. Lucky for them, they have the right to deny doing those things. Yes, I feel proud for those who stood up for their own beliefs. I salute you guys! (especially Choong Tat and Kang Nien...)

2nd years are coming up next. 1 week of torture. I really hope I survive. Again, it will be long before I can update my blog again...

Thank God I'm Back Again!

2005-07-23T01:23:00.000-07:00

Thank god I made it back to my home! I'm so happy to be back in a place I belong... away from all those dreaded seniors... now to put everything that happened in the past weeks into words...

I have spent a total of 3 weeks in UM. Each week seems more radical than the previous one. I have a hunch the next week is going to be total havoc as we will be orientated by the second years. Second years. As in "not-so-experienced". As in "just-finished-holiday-and-still-in-mood-to-play". As in "revengeful-due-to-torturous-superseniors". Oh, how much I ~~dread~~ look forward to next Monday.

The first week I reached UM, we were orientated by the malay seniors. These guys were mild. But till the end, they did some stuff that really shocked us freshies. One of it was the balloon incident. They had this game where we were divided into groups, and then each group had balloons to be protected from attackers from other groups. Once the game started, chaos ensued. I don't know why, everyone became rough and people were pushed down. Some girls were knocked down and were even kicked. Freshies rolled around in the dirt. Some even fell and bleed themselves. The PMs (pembantu mahasiswa) scolded us, and said this game reflected our true nature. Come to think of it, did they know this was going to happen? I mean, did they plan for this to happen? Let's say they didn't. Then wouldn't it be bad planning? They should think of all the possibilities of accidents before initiating a game. Bad management? Let's say they did planned for this to happen. Wouldn't that make them evil? Toying with us to show us how brutal people can become... I mean there are other ways to show us this... not through making victims out of innocent people. Either way, they are wrong.

The second one happened on the last night of the first week orientation. When all us freshies thought that we could finally rest, the PMs popped something I never thought I would do. We were suppose to kneel in front of the PMs and tell them why we should live. WHAT THE HELL? That was the first time I knelt to someone. I hesitated before I took the action. I had to reassure myself, that was just a obstacle I must overcome to continue with life. Good thing I managed to past through it easily. It was embarassing. I mean, I've never knelt to anyone before, not even to my parents, whom I think should be the people who are most worthy for me to kneel down to. Some of my fellow coursemates found the act ridiculous, and lingered around thinking of an alternative. Those who were the last few had it harder. I think they were labelled as cocky. Hai... What's the point of making us kneel down? Is it that necessary?

The second week started with a shock also....

to be continued...

Yesterday was my mum and my sis's birthday. My mum is 51 and my sis 17. Happy birthday to both of them!

I'm Dying here...

2005-07-20T12:46:00.000-07:00

HELP ME

Uni life have been torturous so far. The seniors here have been piling assignment after assignment on us. What assignments you say? Orientation assignments! Even orientation has assignments! To top that, I have been computer-starved for 2 weeks... oh, how nice it feels to retouch the keyboard...

Anyway, back to the raggings of the seniors. According to tradition, the first year juniors (freshies) have to be "orientated" by the seniors from all years, starting from fifth year seniors(superseniors) to 4th year, 3rd year and 2nd year. Yes, we are at the lowest point of the food chain here.

I have no more time here. Will post more...*if I survive*

Am I forgetting something?

2005-07-02T13:07:00.000-07:00

Gonna go to Uni tomorrow...
Have finish packing...
Am I forgetting anything?

Full Metal Alchemist

2005-07-01T01:57:00.000-07:00

I had to post this. I really couldn't help myself. This anime is SO good! I have just finish it... and the ending... it's just so touching... brothers sacrificing for each other...

Full metal alchemist is a story about a pair of brothers, Edward and Alphonse Elric, who seek the means to revive their dead mother. They seek the Philosopher's stone, which is rumored to be able to overcome the law of conservation: To get something, something of equal value must be sacrificed. This is the law they believe in and assume was the law that involved the whole world.

During their journey, they meet many interesting characters, and go through many ordeals. They learn that death is a vital part of life, and that not everything follows the law of conservation. Their goal changes from reviving their mother to recovering their own bodies.

The thing that touch me most ~~is how the brothers are willing to sacrifice to make each other normal again~~ are the sacrifices made. Edward would try anything, to return his Alphonse body back to him. Alphonse wants to return Edward's right arm and left leg to Edward. Edward sacrifices his leg while Alphonse sacrifices his body to revive their mother. Edward sacrifices his right arm to seal Alphonse soul into a armour. Really makes me think, how much are you willing to sacrifice for the ones you love? Will we be able to do it when the time comes?

Now I can't wait for the movie to come out.. It will only be released on 23rd July 2005 in Japan, so it's gonna take a reeaaally long time for the english one to come out...

Torn in Between

2005-06-30T01:57:00.000-07:00

Have you ever felt you were torn in decision? Which side to choose? Both sides are your loved ones, and you don't wish to hurt anyone. I feel I'm stuck at a cross road. Picking either one of the routes will hurt at least one side. What am I to do?

When you have to choose, one of the best ways to decide something is to weigh out the pros and cons. What happens if the pros and cons for both sides weigh out each other?

Why do we have to make choices? If choice was not introduce into this world, what kind of world would it be? Would it be a happier world? A world without sorrow because we cannot choose sorrow? Or would it be a world where we can't choose happiness as a choice? Can choice really lead to satisfaction? God gave Adam and Eve a choice. The choice whether or not to eat the forbidden fruit. What would have happened if they didn't eat it? This was a question Nobita from Doraemon once asked. I forgot what happened in that episode.

Choice. Whether or not to take the red pill? Whether or not to join the Dark side? Whether or not to use the power given to do good? Whether or not we are making the right choice?

Is this what separates men from beast? Men make choices but beast don't?
Sometimes, I think that the beasts are lucky.

My English Level

2005-06-30T01:23:00.000-07:00

Advanced
You scored 100% Beginner, 100% Intermediate, 100% Advanced, and 66% Expert!

You have an extremely good understanding of beginner, intermediate, and
advanced level commonly confused English words, getting at least 75% of
each of these three levels' questions correct. This is an exceptional score. Remember, these are commonly confused English words, which means most people don't use them properly. You got an extremely respectable score.

Thank you so much for taking my test. I hope you enjoyed it!

For the complete Answer Key, visit my blog: http://shortredhead78.blogspot.com/.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 74% on Beginner
You scored higher than 64% on Intermediate
You scored higher than 88% on Advanced
You scored higher than 33% on Expert

Link: The Commonly Confused Words Test written by shortredhead78 on Ok Cupid

Trip to Muar...

2005-06-28T13:15:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I had a short trip to Muar again.. this time, I decided to take more videos than pictures. Thinking of setting up a video cd so that I can keep on watching and watching ~~like those guys in the movie when they keep watching videos of their loved ones and they reminise about the good old days~~ without getting bored.

Hmm... will have to find out more about uploading videos.

Got a pair of rings yesterday with Hui Ming.

Blurred pic of the rings..

Also got a deathnote poster. Light just looks totally sinister in the poster! Plan to put it up in my hostel next time... ooh, I so love deathnote ~~though is getting a tad boring~~!

Sinister looking Light! With death god accessory!

Got Hui Ming a photo frame too, for her to put photos of me and her!

Wanted to get this at first...

Got this in the end!

This time, when I saw Hui Ming, she wasn't as sad as she sounded on the phone. I really hope she makes up her mind about what she is going to do. Her parents are pressuring her to take medicine, even though it's gonna cost a lot. I think she can make it big without even getting in to medicine. But it's all up to her. As long as she's happy...

Hui Ming camwhoring for me :-)

Today is Hue Ling's birthday, Happy birthday!

Dreams shattered

2005-06-25T13:51:00.000-07:00

The university results have come out, and that night, I heard Hui Ming's dreams shattered. She conveyed to me her despair, her fears, her disappointment, and her depression through the phone. She had wanted to be a some one from the medical field but instead was offered a course she didn't apply for, worse still, it wasn't anywhere near KL, but at UUM, Kedah. The course is Decision Science (sains pemutusan). I am not sure what the course is about, but from what I looked up, I think it has things to do with business. Does anyone out there have a better understanding of this course and its prospects?

Luckily, Hui Ming has learned to slowly accept this course. She has made a rayuan, and I hope she gets it, although her chances are slim to nothing. I have learn more about her through this few days, and hope she will be more confident in herself. She is a good girl, who lacks self confidence (who doesn't?). And I think she will need all the encouragement she can get.

Help!!! Alternative to unwanted course

2005-06-24T03:35:00.000-07:00

The results of the university application have come out. Thank god, I got what I wanted, UM medic.
However, not everyone was as lucky. Now, I welcome any suggestions on what to do if you got an undesirable course. The alternatives. I've got a few here:

Make rayuan to every organization and pihak(the most common method, but totally unreliable)
Go private Uni (you can get the choice you want, but expensive and unaffordable to some)
Wait another year and apply again the next year (originally suggested by Jason, you can wait another year to see if you get better courses, but there is no gurantee and you might end up with courses which are even more undesirable!)

What to do? Any more suggestions? What other way is there?

Wanna be a Malaysian Blogger?

2005-06-23T23:15:00.000-07:00

Last post "Wanna be a Singapore Blogger?", Loc Kee commented that why not have a Malaysian blogger personality test... well, now there IS one, thanks to Kenny Sia again!

Congratulations , you are...

Kenny Sia of kennysia.com

You have it all, or so you think. Big balls, big bird, big everything. Also a big heart and ever-ready big hug to give out to everybody who needs one. But you didn't know this. You're the one who need a hug the most. So hugs to you!

Which Malaysian Blogger Are You?

This personality test is courtesy of Kenny Sia... and I got him! Wakaka..

Delay again?

2005-06-22T10:32:00.000-07:00

This is so sick... what's wrong with the ministry of education? Why do they delay the results to our U again? It's so sick sick sick...

How many times have we heard rumours that the results are coming out? I remember having to be on my toes for a few times in a week just hearing that the results are coming out. Last time I checked, they put 22nd as the deadline. Today, when I checked again, I was so pissed. WTH... they did it again! They delayed it to 24th!!! C'mon man, if you guys didn't have enough time, why put 22nd? If the preparations weren't ready, why put a deadline you guys can't meet... this just goes to show how broken your promises are!

Guess there's nothing we can do but wait till 24th. I have a feeling they are toying with us like mice in a lab.

"When are the results coming out?"

"Oh, you'll know... when we finish having FUN! Muahahaha!"

|||~_~ *sweats*

Photo Tips

2005-06-20T13:40:00.000-07:00

Anyone know any good programme to upload photos? I am using photobucket now but it's tiring having to upload photos and resizing them everytime just to fit the page.
I downloaded Hello Bloggerbot but it can only post 1 picture at a time. How do you post more than 1? I see it on this site. How is it done? Anyone got any tips?

Hui Ming's Birthday

2005-06-20T13:33:00.000-07:00

Its a little late, but I still want to post about how we celebrated Hui Ming's birthday. Not a really spectacular event, but I want to keep it for future reference ^_^

At 11:00pm June 14, we were lodging at Berjaya Times Square hotel. Hui Ming was already exhausted and sleeping on the bed. I still haven't gotten her any thing at that moment. Realizing this, I decided to at least have a small ceremony for her. So, I grab my wallet, borrowed my friend's slippers and headed to the 7-11 store on the ground floor. Grabbed a pineapple cake, tried to find candles but 7-11 doesn't have em. Saw some balloons and decided to buy one for an added touch of surprise.

At 12am, I crept to Hui Ming's side, held the cake and balloon in place, and slowly nudge her awake. My friends who were standing behind her started singing the birthday song when I gave them the cue.

pineapple cake with balloon...

After that we had a little chat. Only for a while though. Then we slept and the next day arrived. We went to Times Square and I managed to get her an orange coloured gift (ask her what is it if you wanna know).

Nothing much happened until when we reached home. I didn't know it too, but my family knew it was her birthday! That's cos I had a calender in my room which had my friends birthdays labelled on it...

My mum had prepared her a yoghurt birthday cake! We did the usual stuff :sang birthday song, cut cake, divide cake, eat it.

I still think this wasn't the best birthday I could give her. My original plan was to get all my friends she knew at my Grandparents house(which is empty) and give her a surprise party. Well, I guessed that would have to wait.

Happy birthday to you Hui Ming dear!

Just to test out Hello...

2005-06-20T09:09:00.000-07:00

Hui Ming posing ^_^

The KL trip that was a little "bei shuang"

2005-06-20T00:25:00.000-07:00

Its been 4 days since I came back from KL. The trip there was quite a hectic one. It was also a trip of a few first experiences.

The first time I sang KTV in Redbox with my friends.
The first time I took LRT independently.
The first time I went to Sungai Wang Plaza and Chee Chung Gai.
The first time I took a picture with the machines from this post(damn, the pictures are damn expensive too! RM8 and above for 6-12 customize pictures)
The first time I went on a trip with Hui Ming.
The first time I celebrated Hui Ming's birthday together with her (last year didn't count as she was in her hostel at 12am...)

KL is a shopper's paradise, but come to think of it, if I was given a choice on whether to stay there, I wouldn't want it. The hectic lifestyle, the high cost of living and the fashionwise people (heck, I think nearly every chinese there had their hair styled by a hairstylist!).

But there were a few things I couldn't forget about and had been itching to blog on. Once, we were eating dinner at Chee Chung Gai. I was thinking of posting some pics of the stuff we ate(though not really interesting, I feel we were ripped off as one plate of sweet and sour pork rice came to the price of RM7!). I was taking out the camera when a friend said to me, "hey don't do that, don't make us look like 'sua gu'. " She didn't say this once only. When I wanted to take a picture of the KL night scenery, she expressed disbelief and commented that it was like we were tourist who just first landed in KL.

What the hell? Who knows who you are in KL? Cannot take pictures so that you won't lose face ah? So what if you got caught taking pictures by someone you knew? Just tell them the truth la, why have to act like it's a really embarassing thing to do? There are so much more embarassing stuff than taking photos of food and night scenes! Must you always act like you are a perfect person in everyone's eyes? Must you always think you are the one who knows more? Must you always avoid embarassing moments? Must you always take care of your image? Sometimes embarassing moments can turn up to be the best of memories. I will never forget the time I slip and knock into a girl. Even though that was embarassing, my friends and I still make jokes over it and laugh it off!

Now I know how my friend CK feels when people tell him when what he does is embarassing. We once went on a trip together to Penang with a group of friends. After feasting in a restaurant, CK notice the soup bowl still had a little soup in it. So he cleaned the soup bowl, with his spoon and fork. Actually he ate up everything that was left of the meal. All the plates were so clean, one of my friends teased him and said it was embarassing. Everyone laughed at the moment. Now I know how he felt. To be called an embarassment.

I took a picture anyway...

The next thing I want to gripe about (forgive me, I'm just really mad), is how some friends don't know private from public. I had a few private moments with Hui Ming. This friend who managed to observe it, decided to tell my other 2 friends about it. WTF?? Come on... why do this? To have a kick out of it? Why can't you just keep it to yourself? This friend actually cleverly snatched an opportunity where my 2 friends were in a room, and closed the door, leaving me and Hui Ming in the hotel living room watching TV. From the outside, I could hear her whispering, sniggering, giggling softly... I wish I could just open that door at the time,and bash her mouth till it was flat, but if I did that, everything would have ended in a sour note. How come she has such a unattractive habit? This isn't the first time I see this behaviour of hers. I guess some people just like to make others look terrible while they bask in glory.

This kind of sums up the KL trip. I hope that the next time I go on a trip with my friends, its just me and a bunch of friends who are close to me not from the outside, but also from the inside.The wrong group of friends can turn trips totally upside down. Trips with friends have grown from fun, interesting, to tiring. I just feel so jaded that sometimes I would rather stay at home. Or go travelling with my loved ones.

Oh, note to myself: don't let Hui Ming ride mind dizzying rides. It makes her feel sick.

To Hui Ming,
Sorry but this isn't the best trip you went because sometimes you were hurt. I hope the next trip we go will fare better.

Wanna be a Singapore Blogger?

2005-06-12T23:57:00.000-07:00

Tried this after visiting Mr Kiasi's blog.

Congratulations sheen, you are...

'Xia Xue' Wendy Cheng of xiaxue.blogspot.com

You are a goddess/god. You've got the looks, the brains and the body. You have such an irreverent sense of humour, people listen to you religiously and worship the ground you walk on. On the other hand you can also be straightforward, blunt and very very controversial. That has the potential to offend many people, but of course you don't care, you just shoot. In the end, people either love you or hate you. Nothing in between.

Which Singaporean Blogger Are You?

Going to get lost?

2005-06-12T23:37:00.000-07:00

This coming Tuesday, I will be going to get myself lost in Kuala Lumpur with Hui Ming and another 2 friends of mine. I have never jalan-jalan by myself in Kuala Lumpur and don't know the ways there.

I still remember someone telling me, "you won't get lost in Kuala Lumpur cos there are so many road signs." Still, I'm worried because I think I have a bad sense of direction and finding things have never been my forte. What if someone point me the direction, but then I forget what he say and get even more lost? I think I will be the leader of this trip, imagine me leading my friends further from our destination... hmm... I want them to have a relaxing trip and hope everything goes as planned :(

Read the papers today about a blogger, Sarong Party Girl who post nude photo of herself on her blog. Hmm, what would you first thing when you read someone has post a nude photo of himself/herself on the internet? Definitely XXX stuff... how many will think it's for artistic purposes? Maybe the first way of thinking shows how immature a person is, but is it true that mature people don't think about XXX stuff? I don't consider myself mature, but I still think I'm more mature compared to others (kids lor ^_^)...

Still thinking how to celebrate Hui Ming's birthday... will be in KL during her birthday and returning at 10pm... that's the plan lah... dunno will be like that anot...

The thing about presents

2005-06-09T13:00:00.000-07:00

June 15. The day. Hui Ming's birthday.

One of the hardest things in life is to buy a present that can satisfy the person. You'll have to know the person thoroughly, get a hint of his/her desired stuff, then check your budget. Most times, due to budget limitations, I can't get a really good present for people.

The worst present I can remember... is the one I gave to a girl when I was in secondary school. I have had a crush on this girl for a long time, and would always buy her presents on her birthday(I guess this was how I wanted to proof I was loyal to her). That time, I was lost and didn't know what to get her.Make something for her so that she would be touched? How much time and effort would it need? What are the chances she will get "gan dong"? I think most people would just think you had wasted a whole deal of your time.

In the end, after getting a friend's confirmation, I got her a frame, with little scout knots inside. Now that I think of it, I would probably scream WTF at my choice. First, the thing had no practical use. Unless you wanted to bring it with you while you go trekking in the jungle. Most people would just bring a guide book. Second, the thing was not really aesthetic in sense. I mean come on. Unless you are a scout junkie or a person who loves to tie things up, it would look really ridiculous hanging on the wall of your room. Hmm, I wonder what she did to it. I think its probably hiding in her cupboard. Or given away to another person who is unfortunate enough.

Most times the presents bought are always the same. Pencil holder, photo frame, shirt, mug... stuff from RM2 shop are usually bought. I always think, what is the best birthday gift for me? PS2, computer, vacation trip. Haha.

Hui Ming's birthday is arriving soon, I am not sure how to make her birthday a memorable one. Anyone has any suggestions? (Not too costly though...)

Japan Name

2005-06-08T21:27:00.000-07:00

Went to sinsin's blog and saw her japanese name generator and thought I might try.
This is my japanese name...

中村拓海 Nakamura Takumi
中村 Nakamura (center of the village) 拓海 Takumi (open sea)

Uh huh... so, what does it mean??
I'm thinking my parents would give me a name that has such meaning if they stayed in a house in the center of a village on an island. Or if they were fishermen and would want me to be a celebrity in the village. Then I would be the "center" of the village and everyone would worship me.

Btw... does everyone get Nakamura? sinsin also got it :)

Japan Visited

2005-06-07T22:47:00.000-07:00

I was MIA for a week because of my trip to Japan. This trip was devised by my father who is a veteran traveller and likes to go on travelling by himself, not with tour companies. Travelling like that means more flexibility, but it also means more confuse times. Most people are awed by my father's ability to travel around a place without having go to the place before. Well, I think he is really talented as he has used the internet to its full use. So, I would like to dedicate this post to him and thank him for this wonderful trip, although 2 accidents did happen..

This Japan trip was mostly sightseeing and less fun, as it involved a lot of walking. And because of this, some of the time, my grandfather whose legs hurt if he walked too much, was left at a seat while we continued our journey. Yes, it may seem unfilial to some, but this was to the agreement of my grandfather, and my father always confirms with my grandparents whether they want to continue the journey if it is too far. In my own eyes, my father has done the right thing and he has taken very good care of us.

I will not blabber about what we saw and where we went, instead I will focus on the 2 accidents that happened, as I think they are meaningful and I wouldn't want them to happen again.

1st Mishap

The trip was to Namba, where we were to see the youths and shopping arcade there. We travelled around Japan by train. That meant we had a limited period of time and if we did not use our time wisely, something bad would befall us.

Well, when we reached Namba, it was around 8.30pm. After jalan-jalan for sometime, we were tired except for my dad and Mr G (neighbour who followed us on the trip). So the both of them continued exploring while the rest of us (me, my sis, my mum, Mr G's wife, Mr G's daughter, Grandpa and ma) sat and rest. When they returned, it was already 9pm or so... when we reached the railway station, my dad was anxious as the train station was about to close! Uh oh, we were about to miss the train back to our hotel!

Our hotel was at Shin-Kobe. We managed to reach the nearest train station to it, Kobe station. We had to walk for an hour to reach the hotel! In the middle of the night! WAhaha... such a fun experience! It is things like this which are unexpected, unplanned that make trips more fun!

The walk back

2nd Mishap

This mishap is more serious, as it involved a family member of mine. Refer to the map below.

We are suppose to go to Tama Ryokan. We had just finish a meal at the Ramen shop. It was drizzling. We went in groups of two under umbrellas, with my grandma alone as she had her own personal umbrella. My grandpa and father were in front, followed by my grandma, followed by Mr G and his wife, my sis and I, my mum and Mr G's daughter.

We reached Tama Ryokan in a short while later. My dad raelize my grandma wasn't around and ask my grandpa where she was. He told her he thinks she is bathing, as the bathroom downstairs was occupied. My dad thought everyone was in the Tama Ryokan already. After some time,suddenly my grandpa told my dad... it couldn't be grandma in the bathroom, she didn't take her toiletries...

Shocked, dad ran down to the bathroom, to find that... IT WAS MR G'S DAUGHTER IN THE BATHROOM

We formed a 3 person search party, my dad, mr G and me. We went to the Ramen shop first, and then to the railway station we first left. Then we considered the possiblity. What if grandma didn't turn into Tama Ryokan but walked straight ahead? We quickly went straight. Fortunately grandma was found as how we hypothesized. She was found by Mr G, and I found met them while I was searching. I won't forget what Grandma said when she was found.

"They all said, how could your son leave you like that?"

And that was when I realize, she was making it up. She was saying that purposely. She couldn't have understood what the people around her were saying! They only spoke Japanese! Later she also said:

"They all said, cannot blame anyone, can only blame your son."

WTF? My father has done so much. He had to assist my grandpa who was walking slowly thats why he couldn't take care of my grandma. Besides grandma can walk herself. And she shouldn't blame her own son. Heck, is her son who brought her to Japan for this wonderful trip! I felt really sorry for my dad. I mean, I was to blame too, cos I ran in front with my sis and didn't look after my grandparents. In the end, as Mr G summed it, we took too many things for granted.

Me as Bae Yong Jun!

Hopefully, I will not lose anyone I love again. I thought about it as I was searching for my grandma. No, I don't want to lose my loved ones again. Maybe that will be the reason I say if I become a doctor.

Well, those two are the more interesting stuff that happened on my trip.
And time for some pics!

Gundam, for Jason.

If ideas could be on just like that...

Some SYT pics! Btw, Japan really has a lot of SYTs... damn...

student couple... notice the girl's uniform, they really do their skirts short, and the wind in Japan is really strong..

notice the costumes which are a little weird... their trend!

SYTs in swimsuit!!!

couple which let me take their pic..

The girl even let me take a closeup!

Ok, some of the pics are not real... can you guys guess which ones? I think its obvious though...

I hope that one day, I will get to go to Japan again, and by then, I will have learned the language, and be able to communicate to the people there.

1 Year

2005-06-05T23:02:00.000-07:00

I came back from Japan this Friday night, and have been a little lazy at bloggin :)
But today is a very important day and I wouldn't miss blogging on it.
Today, one year ago, I asked Hui Ming to be my girlfriend. I will never forget what happen although it may have change a little (tell me what is different with this version of mine ok dear?)

One year ago, in a little town called Tampin...

"Proposal Wars"

(cue Star wars opening theme)

The scheming Sheen had devised a perfect plan, that was on how to get the girl of his dreams, Hui Ming to be his first girlfriend. His whole family had gone on a trip to UK and his housekeeper would only go to his house if he asked for her. Nobody would occupy his house.

Now if only he could manage to "tipu" her back... then all his plans will go as planned...

Alright, enough with the stupid Star Wars intro. Well, the thing is, my family was out of town and the whole house would be empty. Hui Ming then was just a friend, not yet my girlfriend. So, I don't know why, I suddenly had the urge to ask her to come home with me. I told her I would bring her around Tampin, to each of my friends homes. We were in Matriks at that time, and most of the friends she was close with at that time was the T3 gang ("Tampin Ten Tigers"... cos nine of my friends and me were sent to the same Matrik college, and we sticked close together, therefore, given the cool sounding nickname:"Dan Bian Shi Hu" ^_^).

I had been flirting with Hui Ming the past few weeks then. Our relationship was ok I guess, I never knew she would agree to start a serious relationship with me. I remember telling her when I didn't get the JPA scholarship that I was a little glad, cos that meant that I could spend more time with her. That was just a few days after I got to know her. But that's a different story and I will post about it some day.

Surprisingly, Hui Ming agreed to go back with me to Tampin. At first, my friends suggested her to stay with another friend of mine (a girl, so that she will be safe from the monster that is me...), but in the end, she came to my house to stay after my request (thank you all my friends, who help make this happen!).

I was estactic, and a little anxious at that time. Hey, this IS the first time I am spending a night with a girl I am interested in!

The scene was set. We sat at the couch watching "Kill Bill Vol 1" (not a romantic movie, but Hui Ming wanted to watch it, and I loved that movie too). She lied down on the couch, while I sat at the end where her feet were at. We chatted. I couldn't pay much attention to Uma Thurman slashing the crazy 88.

I don't know what came into me. I crept to the floor, next to her face, and whispered to her, "Would you be my girlfriend?"

She hesitated. And gave her answer.

I will never forget what her answer is. My question was answered by another question.

"Ni bu ke yi pian wo de o?" ("You mustn't lie to me?")

"Yes"

And I believe, I have not told her a lie yet.

That's how I asked Hui Ming to be my girlfriend. I couldn't be at her side to celebrate our first anniversary. But I did my best, by sending her a self-made card.
Dear, we have been through anger, jealousy, control, sorrow, happiness, hopefulness, friendship and forgiveness. Thank God we are still together today, safe and sound. Thank you for all you have sacrifice in this year we've been together. I know I may not have been sensitive and may always have hurt you in some way, but I really wish we will make this relationship a successful one. I love you and will always find a way to open my heart and sayang you. I just hope you won't get too manja ;P

P/s: I will post about my Japan trip in my next post. Guys, prepare for some SYT pics!

Japan

2005-05-27T17:43:00.000-07:00

I am sorry, for not posting for quite sometime. Lucky I found this internet spot in Japan.
Currently I am in Japan and wont be posting for a week.
Will be back next Friday.

Netbux -- Opportunity or Scam?

2005-05-19T13:42:00.000-07:00

Today, when I checked my mail, I received a mail from a friend of mine, and this is what it wrote:

Hi my friend!!

Good news!!
do u want to earn extra money by online search thing? Maximum up to USD 200 ++ a month!!
Its easier and REAL! my friend get the checque already! how amazing!
Let 's go to http://netbux.org
then register it and type my refer number 213874!

you can choose either receive money by checque or others method.
after register it, just login to the side and search any website. USD 0.02 per seach!
No harm have a trial!!

By the way, i cant online msn already..too bad.:( anything drop me an email. ok?
Enjoy surfing! hahaha..

I get sceptical of everything ad I see online and do searches to check if some mail are scams or such. It was the same for this website. I checked out the website and read the policies. Apparently, this website will pay you 0.02 US sens per search and you can do up to 40 searches per day. And if you refer people to the site, you also get 0.02sen. The site also states that they will send you your earnings on the 15th of every month if your earnings total up to USD50.

But, what's the catch?

I did a google search on it, and found this website:www.netbuxscam.com

I didn't quite understand what it was saying, but somehow it "batal" my idea of using netbux. Besides, Netbux required you to put your address and full name so that it could send you a cheque of your earnings if you don't have a paypal or stormpay account. I didn't want this company to send stuff to my house which might shock my family. I'm also afraid someday some money collectors will arrive at my house and say I owe them cash to my family.

So, is Netbux an opportunity which shouldn't be missed or a big scam? Can anyone tell me?

My Brother -- Zhen

2005-05-19T02:00:00.000-07:00

Today is my brother's birthday, and I would like to dedicate this post to him.

What I remember most about my brother is how he was quite a crybaby when he was young. As I was older, I would take stuff from him forcefully. U know la, big brother ma, so bully little brother lor... cos where got little brother bully big brother one. And then, my mom would go to his rescue, and I would have to give him the stuff. This memories are vague as it happen when I was small.

As time pass by, Zhen became more respectful (or fearful) of me. He didn't talk up to me much, and would let me "zha fit" (be boss). However, I could see how badly he treated my smallest sister. There were times when I wish I could tell him he was wrong and shouldn't treat my smallest sister so badly. Sometimes when my mom side with my smallest sister, Zhen would say that he was the one who was "yuan wang". But from my point of view, he was the one who was wrong.

However bad he was, he also had a good side. And if he kept up this good side, I am sure he would be employee of the year of his company. He is a sensitive person. Whenever he cooks food, he is sure to ask all the family members whether they want to eat. He is the best communicator in our family. That means he can make friends with nearly all the small kids because of his friendly persona. I think that is his best attribute.

Once upon a time, when I still went to bed early and Zhen was still awake before I fell asleep, Zhen would talk to me about his crush, and I would give him my advice, although at that time I was still single^_^. Nowadays, he is better with my smaller sister. As they are in the same school, they share more experiences together. Well, this isn't a bad thing, as my smaller sister can look after him.

I don't know why, but I think his friends aren't the very best. I don't talk to his friends if I don't have to. Maybe I am not one to judge another person's friends but even my grandparents and parents grumbled about his friends. They are the reason he puts more into play than study. I don't know how to help him there, but I hope he always makes the right decisions, and be able to carve out his own path independently.

I may not have been a good brother, I may not have always looked out for you, I may not have always help solve your problems, but I always wish the best for you because you are dear to me. Happy 15th birthday Zhen. Good luck for PMR :)

Absence from Blogsphere

2005-05-17T09:00:00.000-07:00

I have been absent from blogsphere for quite a long time, and have decided to type a post and put up some pictures for your viewing pleasure! Yea!

I shall continue where I drop of last week, which is 11 of May. On this day, Hui Ming landed on Melaka land, and I went to Sentral to meet her. We had a fun time in Melaka, doing some usual stuff, like watching a movie and window shopping in Mahkota. Heh, Hui Ming was tired of Mahkota already, so I decided to bring her to the popular bookstore near the already "zup luck" Great Wall shopping centre. And there's where she actually bought,urm... how many? I think at least 7 love novels! She can devour all of them in a short time. According to her, the love novels in Melaka is old version, while those sold at her place are new versions... so she was searching for some hard-to-find novels. We saw XXX 2 and I was sleeping most of the time, cos I wasn't that much interested in action sequences with stuff blowing up and such.

On our way back, I found out the bus fare was RM3.30... woa, the last time I took bus was RM2.50 only, now it has increase so much! I was really surprised and worried cos the next day, we would be taking bus to Seremban... and that would cost us more.

I guessed right! A one-way trip to Seremban was RM4.10, compared to last time which was RM3 something... dang...
At Seremban, we just went window-shopping at seremban parade and terminal one. Hui Ming was very enthusiatic to find a photo-taking machine, which can make small sticker like photos with frames... I don't know what its called in english, but here's an example of it.

The photos taken will look like this and are miniature in size.

Notice the frame on the photo, it can be changed. The machine has a variety of frames.

We've been looking for a machine like this for quite some time. Does anyone know where they can find one? We've look through Melaka, Seremban and Muar, and still we haven't found one yet.

The 3rd day was a cooking day. I help my dad cook Mee Siam, while Hui Ming cooked her konyaku jelly. We didn't do much in the daytime, except go rent some movies to watch and go to the Gadek hot springs with Feei and Cheok.

This is the second time this year I have been to the hot springs. A lot has change there since I was small. When I was small, the hotsprings did not have man-made pools and the malays would bathe in the natural pool, which look disgusting with some gooey slime thingy floating on the surface of the pool. Now they have made cement pools for people to swim in it, although to be able to swim in the pool at that kind of temperature would need some skill (when we went there, there was this malay guy doing freestyle in the pool, showoff...).

The part with gooey stuff, sorry, forgot to take a close-up

The pools. They have some tables and pondok for ppl too.

The fantastic four.(from left, Hui Ming, Feei, Cheok, and me)

Saturday was a stay-at-home day where we watched a medley of movies. Sahara, Kingdom of Heaven and "Hong zhi" (red words in chinese)> I slept through Sahara, found Kingdom of Heaven a so-so story, and quite enjoyed "Hong zhi"(which is a Korean show about infidelity). Apparently, one of the actress in "Hong zhi" comitted suicide after filming that show (that's the first reason we rented it anyway). We were busy guessing which actress which committed suicide.

Hui Ming went back on Sunday. My family sent her to Melaka and she took the bus home. Well, this has been a nice and busy visit, which I hope will be etched in my memory forever :)

Available to Drive

2005-05-10T12:08:00.000-07:00

Staying at home has made me numb to a lot of things. This morning, I woke up with the song "numb" ringing in my head.
"I've become so numb, I can't feel you there, become so tired, so much more aware..."
Well, at least I've improve a little.

Before, when holiday started:
I've been waking up, switching on the computer, going online for manga hunt, playing GBA game, trying online game, and watching TV.

After, which is now, mid-holidays:
Reading, jogging, learning some cooking from dad (learned how to fry mee yesterday! can u believe it?), helping dad with japanese translation, and that's about it.

Hmm, I still think I have to increase the variety of activities :(

Oh, btw, the title... I almost forgot. Now that I am at home, I've become the official chaueffer to my brother and sisters.
"Khor, can you bring me to tuition at x:xx time?"
"Khor, afterwards bring me to xxx place ah!"
"Sheen, can you fetch your sister/brother back from tuition?"

I think this is the only way I can contribute to my family, so I don't grumble about it. But sometimes, while I'm watching a drama series(the one shown on TV3 at 6pm and the one shown on 8TV at 7pm), and they just come asking me to bring them, it just interupts the mood...

Well, since I cannot do anything else to help, and be a parasite which lives on my family, might as well try to help out. This isn't the first time I'm whinning about this issue. Once I brought it up during dinner time, as one Friday I had to go out from house at every hour! That means I bring someone out, then go home, then go out again at the next hour. I was so pissed, I complained to my parents that my siblings should learn to depend on other transports or tumpang their friend's cars. My dad did say a word to them after that, but I felt bad. Didn't my parents go through this trouble when I couldn't drive? Yet they didn't say anything about it. And here I am being the bad guy.

However, when I think of myself when I was still licenseless, I tried to take the bus back so not to trouble Grandpa to come and fetch me. When it was really desperate, then only will I resort to phoning Grandpa to fetch me. Poor Grandpa.

And so, I have vowed that, if I'm free and available to drive, I will make use of myself, and bring the poor licenseless fellow to his/her destination! FOC I might add!

Sadness

2005-05-10T00:55:00.000-07:00

Today was a day of a degree of sadness. I did something bad again and receive the consequences.

Maybe this is a couple problem, but I feel like I always have to face it. Is it me who has the problem? Maybe I don't know how to handle things properly?

I always think, what can I do to prevent myself from doing error and error again. How come I can not get it right? Is it not time I didn't do wrong? How come I keep on doing wrong?

A computer, after formatting, will have no problems whatsoever. However, once it has human contact, that's when the problems start pouring in. The user will complain about the speed of the computer is too slow, there are too many virus in the computer, there are pop-ups everywhere, etc etc. All the computer can do is keep silent. It is like it is the computer's fault. But it CANNOT be the computer's fault because it was "ok" until the user's interference.

It's the same with human relationship. A person is "ok" when there is no interference. But after "interference", the status of the person might degrade. However, there is a chance the person's life will improve after "interference".

Have I "interfered" and make someone's life miserable?
Sometimes I feel really miserable. Sometimes I feel... I don't know whether to leave the situation, as I know that it will be alright in a while, or try to remedy the situation. Confused.

P/S: there's nothing wrong with you. just that I need to use this as an outlet to rid the bottled up feelings in me. so please don't blame me for typing this out. this is where I do anything I want, where I can dump everything inside of me outside. I'm sorry for the making you sad again and again.

Hui Ming's Arrival and the PLANS

2005-05-08T01:58:00.000-07:00

Life has been not so boring lately. Most of the things I am looking forward to are new manga chapters, new movies, new income (but I am not working :-<), and new stories. Now I can add one more thing to the list. The arrival of Hui Ming. Its been a while we spent time together for a long period. Although she has come to Tampin numerous times before, I still hope to let her have a few new experiences this time around. I am still thinking of surprises for her, and would appreciate any suggestions. For now, I've only planned to take her to Seremban ( she wants to "see" Terminal One"), to the hot springs near Gadek, and to the waterfall on Bukit Tampin. I want to try cooking something for her too, but all I've cooked before is steam egg, maggi mee (just boiling the mee and putting the flavour), and sandwiches.

I've just finished reaching the manga Gantz (till chapter 198). This is a very good manga (although it does contain some 18sx bits, but lucky I'm already 18 this year ^_^). The story is unique (a boy who dies is sent to a place with only a black ball, and he has to fight aliens to survive), it is a little gory, it is set in the world today (that means it is not a story set in ancient times, but in the 20th century), and the development of the characters is very, very interesting. I'm really looking forward to see its anime, and would also like to try the PS2 game (but I don't have a PS2 -_-, so you guys know what you can get me for a birthday present!). Some of the chapters are very touching. Although the cover for each chapter are mostly pin-up girls (which sometimes are bare-breasted), but the story is even more interesting and captivating.

This holiday, I've finished quite a few manga.

Deathnote
Pretty face
Midori no Hibi
Full Metal Alchemist
Gantz
Naruto (still reading)

I am planning on reading "Monster" next. "Monster" is about a doctor who saves a boy. For some reason, no one wants to save this boy because he is cursed or something. Years later, the doctor faces some problems, and his problems miraculously are solved (the people who cause him the problems are killed), and this boy is suspected. It is a detective manga and the story has finished already. There is an anime for it too. I haven't found a source for the manga yet and am still finding.

I also plan to watch "sepet". Juliana of "J"ded is always promoting it and I seem to have caught the bug. But I don't think I can find it in my local VCD shop. Do you think it can be found on the internet? Hmm...

The Return of the PC

2005-05-05T12:49:00.000-07:00

Ooh, my PC recovered yesterday night. Lucky me. But its lost a few stuff, so I'll be going on a search for the stuff I lost. A search to recover what was once in the PC. Sounds like a journey or quest.

I have started a jogging programme with my friend Shang Feei. We have to start jogging at 7am *supposedly* everyday. Yesterday started to jog the first time. I thought my dressing was kinda silly. Then again, I think I look silly in any sports wear as I'm not the kind who fancies doing sports or excercising. I've always seen myself as short, and even though I tell myself its nothing actually, but deep down inside, I do wish I was taller. Heh heh, I still rememebered the days I would run around, doing sit-ups, and skipping ropes. Made me believe that I would grow taller. But then I stop doing those when I found I needed more time on other entertainment. So now, I'm back to excercising: jogging.

Watched "Million Dolar Baby" yesterday. There was a part in the movie, where Clint Eastwood had to decide whether or not to take Hillary Swank's life. Hillary Swank was paralyzed and couldn't do boxing anymore and she was suffering. She wanted Clint Eastwood to put her to sleep. Clint Eastwood was torn and did not know what to do. A pastor told him not to cos he would lose himself. But in the end, he couldn't bear to see Hillary Swank suffer anymore, and he ended her life. It's sad.

What if you were put in a situation like that? Would you take the life of a person you love just to end her suffering? If that was the wishes of the one you love?

Frankly, I don't know what I would do. I don't think I would have taken her life, cos i wouldn't want to feel guilty for the rest of my life. And if she wanted to die, I wouldn't stop her. But I will not take her life. Guilt, is the determining factor for me.

What would you do?

Stupid Internet or Stupid Me?

2005-05-03T13:26:00.000-07:00

For the last 12 hours, I've been engaged in a battle with the Trojans, adware, spyware and viruses in my computer. I don't know how I got it, but its annoying when it pops up and slows the computer down. Every now and then, the AVG center will pop up saying a virus has been detected, and I delete the file promptly. But then the file just keeps popping back out! And the AVG center keeps repeating the same thing!
Damn! I've used spybot, adaware, AVG scan, Anti-trojan, spysweeper... hai... i'm beginning to lose confidence and want to give up ler (which means asking my father to call technician to visit...)
Another damn kanasai thing is the IE. It was fine yesterday when my father use it, but today,cannot use anymore. Everytime I click, the mouse cursor has hourglass for a while, and then.... nothing happens. WTF!!! I want to scold Tiuniasing le!!!
Does it have something to do with the trojans? I want to uninstall it and reinstall again, but then I don't know how. IE is not listed in the "add/remove programmes" in control panel.
Woo... so confuse...

Guilty

2005-04-29T23:15:00.000-07:00

Have you all ever felt guilty for not doing something?
Not doing a favour for a friend?
Not helping your family do something?
Picking friends over family or vice versa?
Succumbing to your inner desires instead or withholding them?
Today, I broke a promise(*again*) to my dad. I promised him yesterday night to follow him to Port Dickson to help him clean up the condo he bought there. The condo was supposedly littered with bird droppings and... it was just plain dirty la.
However, when I woke up this morning, I couldn't bring myself to follow him. Instead, I was thinking of staying at home to play computer. I was also very sleepy. So I didn't follow him.
Later on, I found out that he went there alone and cleaned the whole area alone. Uh OH. I thought my house maid would be following him to do the cleaning. So, I feel very guilty.
This isn't the first time I feel guilty. Everytime my friends aren't happy and I'm involve in it, I feel guilty. When I have to lie, I also feel guilty and will try a way to spit out the truth. Looks like being a spy is out of the future job list :(
Is guilt connected to regret? Whenever I feel guilty, I think its because I regret taking an action I've chosen. So, does this show that guilt is connected to regret in a way?
I've always told myself to live a life of no regrets. I think most people think that too. Who wants a life full of regrets? Stupid.
Well, I hope everyone doesn't feel guilty at the moment. If you do feel guilty, you better go own up or do whatever so that you don't . I don't know why I can't stand the feeling of guilt. Don't know why...
Maybe because it is because I don't want people to find out I've done something wrong. Maybe its because I don't want to tarnish my rep. But then, what rep do I have? It all comes down to my own pride. Haiz... I don't want to be proud. But can I help it? Am I proud? Am I humble? Am I fake?
I don't think I know. Only those who mingle with me will know :-(

Muar Visit part 3

2005-04-26T12:36:00.000-07:00

This is part 1 and part 2.

Hui Ming lead me to a satay stall which was suggested by her father. As I had already tasted Muar's special otak-otak, she didn't know what to let me try next. Luckily her father suggested this. We came to this satay stall.

RMo.40 per satay. Besides the basic chicken and pork satay, it has another special satay which I have never tried before.

Cockles@"si ham" satay!

I actually ate only 3 of it, and gave the rest to my family to eat as I could not bear the fishy taste of the cockles...

After buying the satay, I purchased an express bus ticket to go home.

Hui Ming surprised at me snapping at her! She is being sent home by her father. Note: they are riding on a motorcycle and Hui Ming is wearing a skirt... Hehe.. she's afraid she'll "zou guang", so she's covering with her bag...

A picture of the Muar river while I was in the bus...

I reached Melaka at about 6pm.. and I went to one of my favourite fastfood joints: A&W.
I think A&W offers really good service. How many fast food corners offer a free cup of root beer while you're waiting for your order? I ordered my food and took the next bus to Tampin ( a Tai Lye Bus :-) )

Guess what I ordered...

Reached home at about 7.30pm.
I would like to thank Hui Ming here for coming out and giving me such a wonderful time! Thanks babe! See you next outing!

On Venus request, decided to post a picture of me and Ming together...

Notice the difference in smoothness of the face and frequency of red spots.. ai, what can I say? Regret that I didn't take care of face when I still had baby face :-(

Muar Visit part 2

2005-04-26T11:35:00.000-07:00

This is part 1.

When I reached Melaka bus station, it was only minutes before I got a bus to Muar. It was a SKA bus btw. The journey was a comfortable one as the bus had AC and the seats were cushioned.

I did 2 things that pissed the bus driver (I think...)

When I wanted to pay the fare for the bus, I didn't know how much was it and paid the driver RM4. The driver was on the phone at that time. He gave me a receipt saying RM3. I had to tell him to give me the change :-(
When we reached Muar, the bus stopped a while near the old bus station. Thinking that the bus would stop nearer to the bus station, I didn't get down. Till I realize it wasn't going to stop anywhere near to the bus station anymore! Good thing the next traffic light turned red. I had to menebalkan muka to request the bus driver to let me down.

But I think the bus driver was a nice guy, as he didn't complain in front of me... he actually had the customer first policy! Way to go man!

After that Hui Ming's dad sent me and Hui Ming to the *only* shopping complex in Muar:
Veetex... we hit the arcade there and went for our first karaoke session! Which was in a RM1 karaoke booth *blush*

Btw, I didn't laugh at Hui Ming's new hairstyle... for you guys who are curious how she looks, this is it:

Taken in the karaoke booth. We sang a Fish Leong and Guang Liang duet.

We were dumb enough to lose 1 token to the karaoke machine. Kanasai...
Then we went to the food court to eat some spaghetti that Hui Ming liked. Too bad I only remembered that I wanted to take a photo of it only after we finished it :-(

Nothing much in Veetex, so we continued to our next locale! The cinema!

It only takes a few walks to the cinema... and this is the road we walk through:

look familiar to anyone? The girl at the left, thats Hui Ming in the background.

On our way there, we passed by an old-looking building:

anyone knows what it holds inside?

Guess...

Guess...

Guess...

Its a bookstore!

Hui Ming picking out love novels... thought she has all the love from me le...

The good thing about this bookstore is it sells pirated versions of books at cheap prices... the only downside of pirated version books are the covers aren't that colourful. That's all! Its the same inside! Occasionally if you're unlucky, you get a blank page or so, but this rarely happens...

pirated version of harry potter :-)

Later on, we went and get movie tickets for the Pacifier. As the movie was at 3pm, we still had time to jalan-jalan. Hui Ming brought me to her bubble tea haunt.

This was quite a special place as it had a special setting:

They have chairs for people to sit, and even have japanese styled places.. where customers can sit on the floor with cushions and a reduced-height table. Notice that there are yellow shades everywhere... perfect haunt for couples... heh heh...

Our orders, Champagne green tea(???) with bubble balls(black guli-shaped stuff), chicken fillet with french fries, and Jade bubble tea(???), which is lime taste actually... the champagne green tea taste like milk though...

The whole meal cost RM12. Expensive or cheap? Btw, there was a little boy who kept peeking at us while we were there... I wanted to snap a picture of him, but he hide when I try... So funny kid...

We went to catch the Pacifier, but to our dismay, nobody wanted to watch it! Apparently the cinema officials (which were 2 old geezers...) had a policy of not showing a movie with less than 5 customers... since there were only 2 of us, they asked us to change our tickets to watch The Eye 10. We changed the tickets and watch a hilarious movie. Yes guys, The Eye and The Eye 2 were both horror movies, but The Eye 10 changed into a horror/comedy movie. Wonder why the Pang brothers turned to comedy...

After we finished the movie, we went to eat a kind of Satay which I have never seen before...

To be continued...

Muar Visit part 1

2005-04-26T10:15:00.000-07:00

As I have quite a lot of things to post about this visit, I will break it into a few parts, cos I don't want 1 post to be too long :-)

Yesterday was a fine day! As I had already make a date with Hui Ming.. FYI, I went to Muar to visit Hui Ming yesterday! Yea!

Well, the day started out at 7.30am. My mum brought me to the Tampin bus station as I wasn't gonna drive to Muar but take public transport (my parents don't even let me drive to Melaka alone. When will they let me?). Anyway, I think I saw the bus just leaving, so I had to wait for the next one. Boy, was it a long wait! The next bus (a Tai Lye bus) arrived at 8am. BUT THE DAMN BUS WAS OUT OF FUEL! I was really pissed and was thinking of cancelling the date if I didn't get a bus by 9. While I was there, there was this Indian beggar which went around holding out his hand, asking for money. Don't know why, he didn't come to me, but went to nearly everyone. I wonder why. Not that I wanted him to come near me. Well, he didn't get anything except a cigarette... which I don't know who gave him.

But I was wondering, if he could walk around asking for money, why not get a job? Is it because he is dirty and noone wants him at a job? If that is so, he could just take a bath at a pipe... or he would have to tell a really kind soul about it. What drives a person to become a beggar? For me to become a beggar, I would say, when I have no job, when all my family and friends have abandoned me, when all I have is the shirt and pants I have on... but how could that happen? Unless you did something really offensive, which made everyone your enemies right? What do you all think?

What can a beggar do to get out of his situation? If I became a beggar, what would I do? Would I still have the will to carry on and try to escape the situation? I don't know.

There was a Salira company bus going to Melaka at 8.25am. I didn't like Salira:

It takes a longer route, taking up more time.
It charges 30 sens more, for going on the longer route, passing places I didn't need to go.
Once I took it with my friends at night from Melaka to Tampin, and we were so unfortunate as the bus actually broke down! We were stranded at Durian Tunggal for 1 hour.

I had no choice then, but to take the bus. The seats weren't as comfortable as Tai Lye bus seats too, and I had a hard time napping. However, I reached Melaka safe and sound at 10am.

To be continued...

The Art of LimTeh

2005-04-23T00:00:00.000-07:00

For those who don't know, the words "lim teh" is coined from the hokkien language and literally means "drink tea". Nowadays, my social circle use this term to indicate a social gathering, be it large or just among a few friends.

Just so happen today, I went out and lim teh with a secondary school friend of mine, Ming Hua. On our way to a mamak stall, we chance upon another secondary school friend of mine, Zhi Huei and a form 6 friend of Ming Hua's, Yu Xiang. Actually, the lim teh session was just between me and Ming Hua. But now it became between 4 people. I tak kisah, so just continue following them.

But when we reach there... the atmosphere was kinda cold. There was no topic to talk about. And it became awkward. At least Ming Hua put in some efforts to bring up some topics and try not to leave me out. For that, I thank him. What has happen to us? Why can't we chat more... normally?

What is the art of lim teh? When you go for lim teh sessions, are you all chatty and worked up? Do you get into your friends lives and relate to them? Do you catch up with them and talk about your own life? How do you do that? I don't know why I cannot do it anymore. Now I feel like avoiding all lim teh sessions. I really don't know how to face such sessions. Bad social skills I guess. I already know the outcome of these lim teh sessions. It will be me, listening to them, and butting in a little bit. Just a little bit. Somehow, what can we talk about? The past? How many times have we gone through that topic? Always reminising the good old days will get boring.

Why do we go lim teh if is always like that? Isn't staying at home better? Everytime see friends will ask a few questions, and then, no more questions to ask. Then become awkward moment as the 2 pihak try to think of questions and topics to chat about.

Have any of you went through these b4?

Mundane Holiday

2005-04-20T23:29:00.000-07:00

This is holiday number 18th holiday(2 for each year since standard 4) I've felt like I am wasting holiday time. Referring to my post on holiday events, I don't think I have achieved anything except read and download manga...

My computer is now officially a manga vault, with manga like "Full Metal Alchemist", "Death Note", "Pretty Face" and some more. This is thanks to the wonders of mIRC. Just keep downloading and downloading...hai, sometimes keep on reading, my eyes also become really blur... and then my head will be a little dizzy... what do people do after using the computer?

Currently, I have nothing better to do at home except face the computer. Get up in the morning, on computer. Throughout the day, play computer. At night before I sleep, play computer. Sheesh, my dad even said this when I approach the computer while he was using: "Sheen ah, wait until 11pm ah, then I leave the computer and you can marry it :)"

Wah, so damn embarass! Even my gf also pissed I keep playing computer. But I really have nothing to do ler... no shows to watch, besides if I want to watch show, I have to go out and rent them, RM2 per show... so why not play computer? Don't have to pay and can save money :)

I'm the type of person who can sit very very long time in front of computer ler... why ah? I don't understand. I think I'm abusing my rights :)

What can I do during my holidays? I'm still thinking an alternative to playing the computer the whole day :(

What do SAHMs do? I think I am a SAHS (Stay At Home Student).

Oh, btw, Hui Ming already has a blog site. Though she doesn't update much, she stills hope for more visitors. Here's her site. Thanks for the support!

Today is my grandpa's(Dad's dad) birthday! Happy birthday grandpa! We celebrated his birthday on Sunday! Here are some pics...

GrandPa and 3 families(my family, Aunty Irene's family and Uncle Ching Hua's family)

GrandPa slicing the cake

GrandPa's cake, also bought from Baker's Cottage. Don't know the name though.

GrandPa is 70 years old! Gampate!

Pearly's Birthday

2005-04-19T01:22:00.000-07:00

Today is Pearly's birthday. So, she decided to come down with her "bf" ah Lye to Tampin to celebrate with the Tampin gang. We guys from Tampin were commonly referred to as that when we went to Matriks.
Pearly can be said to be among the few girls who mingle along more freely with the guys. There's this kind of aura around her, she doesn't feel "hai xiu" (shy) around the guys, so it makes it easier for the guys to joke with her. I think this is good, cos the girl will get more friends.
Anyway, she came to Tampin and we went to celebrate her birthday at "Quan Qiu" ( Whole World, a restaurant in Tampin). I brought my dad's newly bought Nikon 5600 digital camera, and managed to snap some pictures.

The following are the rag tag band that attended Pearly's party. (From left, William, Lye, Cheok, Pearly, Yoke Hong, Ren, Jun Kang).

Pearly taking the first scoop of "Shou mian" (life mee...sounds weird...) with untrained chopstick holding hands.

Finished meal. Four dishes total. Fried rice, Wan tan hor, Shou mian, and a veggie which I don't know what to call. The guy beside Pearly is Ah Lye, Pearly's admirer.

Pearly's coffee cake from Baker's Cottage. RM25! But very delicious!

Ah Lye handing Pearly her engagement present. Cheok is in the middle. He's the priest. No la, Lye as representative handing Pearly present.

The present turn out to be a cassette. We went to Jun Kang's car to listen to it. The cassette contained dedications to Pearly from people from Matriks. Apparently Ah Lye went through all the trouble to record the cassette during exam period. Talk about sacrifice!

Well, today is Pearly's Birthday. So happy birthday Pearly! Oh ya, apparently yesterday was Hui Ming mom's birthday, happy birthday to her also!

Jeepers! What was that?

2005-04-18T00:52:00.000-07:00

Something awfully scary happened thirty minutes ago.
This actually happened a few minutes after my dad, my brother (Zhen), and I finished watching horror movie: Jeepers Creepers 2.
After finishing the movie, we were shaken a little, but not too much...not yet....
My dad approach the front door of our house to lock it (he always does that... I think is because our house was entered by burglar once...). After locking the door, he walked away from it... when suddenly...
The door shook! It was the middle of the night! WTH!

Zhen: I think its Uncle Goh... (our neighbour..)
(Dad peers outside...)
Dad: Nobody ler...
Dad: Did you guys hear the door shake?
Dad: Do you think its....
Zhen and Me: Cannot be la!!!
Dad: Oh no! I still haven't drive the Mercedes into the house!
(Dad's mercedes was parked outside the house.)
Zhen and Me: Uh oh... now you have to go outside!
Dad: Hey, you guys, don't leave me!
(Dad continues to peer outside..)
Dad: No one outside ler...
Zhen: Who or...What can it be?
(Dad ons the light outside and peers outside somemore..)
Dad: Still nobody...
Me: Maybe its hiding under the Naza?
(peers under the Naza, nothing...)
Me: Spooky...
(Dad drives the car inside quickly.... and then locks the door.)
Dad: I think I know what made the sound.
Zhen and me: WHAT??
Dad: The dust pan near the window fell down. I think that was the sound.
Me: But cannot be what, the dust pan is near the window, not near the door... I think I heard the sound at the door ler..
Dad: Me too...
Zhen: The show wasn't spooky. If the door didn't shake, I wouldn't be so spooked.
Me: Agreed!

What can the sound be? I am still a little spooked till now....

Home

2005-04-16T13:37:00.000-07:00

This morning, I sent Hui Ming home. Not exactly to Muar, but to Masjid Tanah to her mother.
In return, her mother gave me a whole plastic bag of otak-otak! I'm suppose to divide it with my friends but I still don't know how many there is.
Came home and tried posting pictures on blogger. Still don't understand how to post it la. Need help ler... I can publish the pictures to the blog page... but how do you publish it so that you can put the picture in a "post"? Confused confused... with question marks flying around my head...

The beginning of the end

2005-04-15T11:08:00.000-07:00

Yes, guys...this is the end. Sad to say it, but someone's gotta do it.
Wait you say? The end of what?
The end of Matriks!!!!!
I've finally finished one year of pre-U studies! Damn, feels good to have no worries until three months later... fuuhhh~
Ooh, my blog, I have so missed you. Was thinking of posting as soon as possible, but Hui Ming came to my house to stay overnight (Yea!!! Heh heh Hui Kee~~). I don't know is it me only, but I kinda dislike people hovering beside me, reading what I type as I think when I post something new. Gives me the jitters. When a situation like that occurs, I will stop typing and cannot concentrate at all. Is it me only?
Oh... holidays... what am I going to do? Its only 3 months. Feel like staying at home and be a vegetable. Download and download songs. Can't seem to find a website to download movie that is fast. I know these stuff are illegal, cos its intellectual property of others and we are supporting privacy blah blah blah... but I think it shouldn't be there in the first place if we aren't suppose to download it. Now that its there, why look for a more costly alternative? Just like a catalyst in a reaction I say.
Catalyst="prepares an alternative route with a lower activation energy" dipetik dari minda invisiblesheen.

Wow, I was surprised to see so many comments after the last post. Somehow, I had a feeling a post like that would generate people to leave their comments. call it foreshadow or premonition or just plain common sense. Anyway, like what knight said, I should just write what I want.
As I type this now, Hui Ming is at the back washing her laundry. If you're asking why she's here, its because... we finish our exam on Thursday, but her mum can only bring her back on Saturday, so she came to put up at my house first.
The end of Matriks was a day full of packing. Nothing much happened after exam, only a few mercun (firecrackers) here and there. There was a Chinese meeting, but I decided not to go... always don't know what to say when I go to big parties... can joke with close friends, but not close friends? I'll rather stay quiet and listen. I've always thought that the jokes I made in front of close friends are "ham sap" jokes. How can these jokes be used in front of strangers? Drop face ler... but then, my face has always been tebal ;P
The last day of Matriks was also the last day for some people's handphones. 5 handphones were stolen, one of them was my friend's handphone. This friend of mine also had his wallet stollen. But he wasn't the least bit sad when we saw him. Wtf... maybe he's got too much cash in his family until these losses don't count for anything.
I really hope this holiday I achieve something.
Oh, happy birthday King Yen and Kent!!!

Good Advice

2005-04-05T11:01:00.000-07:00

Here, I would like to thank a "sifu" of mine, Jason for forking out good advice (which sometimes is common sense...stupid me) to me again. Again and again, I have asked him questions, and he rarely fails to answer them. Is he an all-knowing god?
I wonder, besides Jason, how many others read this blog? Sometimes I think its good few people read it. That way less people get offended by what I type. Nevertheless, I still wish there are more people who would read this blog and post some comments ( just to get some kicks ^_^).
Anyway, thanks to those people who actually come here to read it. I know its boring at times, but I remind myself that I am using this for myself, and not for the sake of others.
Thanks! (Walao, saying thanks like I got an award or something, sheesh!)

Back to The Norm

2005-04-02T11:37:00.000-08:00

Ooh, after yesterday's event, I am so glad Hui Ming is back to normal. At least she isn't mad at me anymore. We manage to make up yesterday night. Fuuh, now can breathe in relief.
Today I had my last chemistry tutor class. After class all the malay girls were hugging each other, and saying stuff like "minta maaf jika tersalah faham..." and "moga jumpa lagi..."
Good thing no one fell into tears.
Because my class got more girls than boys, so the boys are very kesian(poor in malay). They can only wish amongst the guys. That means among 4-5 people only. Too bad, malay guys and girls cannot be involve in any touchy-feely stuff. No touching at all! Once, I accidentally bump into a malay girl, and she seem so offended. Overprotective I say. But cannot blame them as this is concerning religion and stuff which are untouchable.
Usually, the surau (place where malays pray, like a headquarters for all things Islamic) will send pamphlets with "advice" to the dorms for students to read. Man, if you don't feel any guilt at this moment, I can pass you one of those pamphlets. They can make your guilt meter rise so fast, you'll wanna pray to god to be forgived. The pamphlets are always saying stuff about relationships and how students shouldn't have 2 person study groups as that could foster maksiat. Ming and I agreed that even if you did have a normal friendship with a person of the opposite sex, the pamphlet would make you feel like you are in a forbidden relationship and should avoid the other person at all cost. Tsk tsk tsk.
Sometimes I feel kesian for them. Cannot enjoy stuff which are deemed un-halal. Maybe one day, all the malay teenagers will open up and boycott or do something like protesting and stuff like that. And then the world would be ruled by adrenaline-pumped immature teenagers which would make the world like... chaotic.

Another mistake

2005-04-01T15:53:00.000-08:00

Today, I manage to get myself into deep shit again. Another stupid mistake. All because of my self indulgence.
It all started at 11am, during Bio lecture. I sat next to Ming as usual. Noticed that she was quieter than usual. I sense something amiss. When I ask her what was wrong, she just shook her head and didn't tell me anything. When I went back to my room, I started smsing her to see if I could get to the root of the problem. She got my attention when she sms and said that she felt like crying. I tried to get her to tell me what was her problem, but she wasn't in the mood to tell me. That's ok.
I planned to go home today, and went home at about 12.30pm. We (me,Jun Kang, Chia Qi, Chia Chien) were on the way home, when my phone rang. Seeing that the call was being made from a public phone, I guessed that Ming had phoned me. It was her. However, she was having her own troubles.
It seemed that her phone had malfunctioned somehow. She asked me if I could pick her up and help her out. At first, I told her to wait till 3 o'clock, because if I got home, it would take me another 1 hour to go back to my college, where Ming was. I thought about what I promised Ming on the whole way back. How it would take me 2 hours just to get the job done. And that I only had 4 hours at home. Let's see, I have 4 hours of time back home. I need 1 hour to go to town to do some chores. If I went to Masjid Tanah to get Hui Ming, the journey would take me 2 hours. And I would be left with only 1 hour of free time left.
When I reached home, I wasn't as ready to go as I was before. To be honest, I was feeling reluctant to go and would really like it if Ming would go herself. 2 hours of drive in the hot afternoon is already taxing to my brain. Trying to get to Ming was a problem itself. Since her phone was spoiled, I couldn't phone her through her number anymore. My only other way was to call her through my classmates phone. I manage to get to her. Somehow, the conversation didn't go too well (what do you expect? I was breaking my promise to her). She decided to go herself. At the moment she closed the phone, I knew I was in deep shit.
I did my chores like how I planned. When I finished and reach home, I received a message from...Ming. In the message, she said: "Through this event, I have a new view on others, and a new understanding of others."
Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! That was all I was thinking. I sent messages to her. I tried calling her. But to no avail. She has cut off all means of communications from me. I hate it when this happens. I have no idea how to get to her. Why does this keep happening?!?!!??!!??!?!
I feel so frustrated now, so feel like banging my head on the wall. Why?????
I really feel dreadful. Please please please, why can't she open up to me? I know I am the one who is wrong. What can I do to make it up to her? If I had a wish now, I wish that for every mistake made, there was another way to make up for it. What can I do to make up to her?
I don't know how am I suppose to get to her when I go back to college in the evening. I won't even be able to see her in the next week unless she agrees to come out. It's the study week. Man, with my exam so close, what a time to get into deep shit.

Holi holi day!

2005-03-30T16:48:00.000-08:00

Lately, I've been tiring myself out. Feel so tired. Sleep 2am, wake up 7.30am. go to the bathroom and see how deep my eyebags are. Wash my face and get rid of the eye "shit". Go back to room and day dream for a minute or so. And then get dress and start routine life.
I can't wait for me to graduate. On the other hand, I don't think I'm ready to face my exam.
Then again, I'm sitting in front of the computer, not studying! ;P

Oh... I so wish I am having holidays now! Think of all the things I can do with broadband at home! Hey, I even feel like singing the ala Broadway like the tmnet broadband advert! "and these are the wonders of broaaad baaannd!"
I've got my holiday all planned out. Stay home and explore the wonders of the internet with my trusty mouse and newly recruited keyboard. Speaking of this newly recruited keyboard, my dad actually bought it because my brother spoiled the old one. Don't know what he did. Maybe he used it as a racket or something.
Anyway, back to the plans for this holiday. Usually, what I do during the holidays is plain simple.

Play computer
Sleep
Yamcha
Eat
Watch movie
Laze around...
This year plus one more thing, phone gf... hee!

Until my mother feels like this son of hers is comparable to a pig, and my father feels like I'm a liability consuming his hard-earned money. Heh heh, usually that's because I keep going online... now with streamyx... think of the money he saves and the pleasure I get... *evil grin*
the theme for this holiday is manga and anime. I've already planned a whole list of manga I wanna download and read. With the internet these days, its just a click away to free comics! Goodbye social life, goodbye other worldly pleasures, its off to comic land I go!
the next big agenda is to enter the blogsphere. I've only been reading Jason-san's blog and a few other blogs. This holiday, I'm going to pummel Jason with so many questions, I hope he doesn't hide away when he reads this :-) Muahahaha!
Can't forget my gf at Muar...hmm, maybe will try a surprise visit on her... Shh....
and I'll be going to Japan at the end of May! The land of manga, anime, and girls with big doe eyes with boobs no real human can have! Wonder what I'll meet there. School girls with short skirts like those in GTO? Sumo wrestlers running amok? Hi-tech machinery with Gundams looming in the sky? Woo...can't wait!
hmm...to get a part-time job or not to get? That is the question. I'm sure I'll be in dire need of cash, and I need a source of income. But then, its only three months of holiday! Working? Why not enjoy it? Like what mom always say:
"Why you want to go work now, hah? Later in life you will work until you get sick of it!"
So, according to mom, I should enjoy myself... heh heh *evil grin again*

*slaps myself back to reality* I've still got an exam to face! The last important exam, according to dad... and after that... HOLIDAY!!!!

What a Weekend

2005-03-28T14:19:00.000-08:00

Last weekend had been a rollercoaster of emotions and problems. A series of misfortunate events if one should say. I'm so happy its passed and I have less problems now, although some obstacles are arising as I speak. Well, let's get on with the stuff that happened, shall we?

The most terrible thing that happened during the weekend was my fight with M. It happened while we were celebrating Zhuzai's (pigboy) birthday. She said something that hurt my feelings. I took it really personally this time, and gave her quite a hard time. Don't get me wrong, everytime we quarrel, I have a hard time too. Sometimes I have this selfish thought that, since she made me so stressed, I should do the same to her. But I really can't do it. It was a good thing everything became fine again after we settled the problem. Baby, I just want to tell you that I feel sorry for treating you badly. As your boyfriend, you shouldn't be treated like that. You should be treated good, if not better. Sorry. Let's hope it doesn't happen again.

The next terrible event was how I fell sick. At this crucial moment, where I should be fit and studying hard for my exam, I fell sick on Saturday. Right after my quarrel with M. Maybe it was what the chinese say, "bao ying". Or you could say it's karma. Well, after being healthy and kickin' for a long time, falling sick made me feel tired. I couldn't study for long hours, I was out of medicine, and my head throbbed like a drum. I could only wait till Sunday, as my parents who knew about my situation, were bringing help to me in the form of medication. When my parents arrived, the first thing my dad did was give me a checkup. To my surprise, according to him, I wasn't having a serious fever. Whatever! I took the medicine in a second, and felt better in a while.

Ooh...the last event. It concerns a presentation and a report. I had to do a presentation by myself, as no one in my group even bothered to look up stuff for the presentation. Fearing I didn't have enough time, I hurriedly did the presentation. Good thing the internet is multipurpose. The next thing, the report, concerned the jamuan held by my club. We had to do a report. I was suppose to work with my vice secretary. However, he was always so hard to be found! No chance of finding him, even at his block. And most of the precious information needed was with him. Till now,this report isn't finished yet, and it seems I'll have to settle this problem myself again. Tsk Tsk Tsk.

Exam is looming for all of us. I fear i might go blank during the exam. I still have a lot to study. For now, blogging only makes me feel guilty. I should be using this time to study more.

What the hell is it with gossip?

2005-03-24T23:05:00.000-08:00

There's something i want to rant about this topic. I know,a lot of people might find this topic common,as its something that might happen to anybody.Well,just want to use this space to scream and complain.So,don't mind my whinning.
Let's see,gossip...I've always been wondering,will there ever be a world without it?
I think not!
Why do people gossip? To cure their curiosity? To care more about others? To show their concern to others? Why do they have to do it through this way? There are so many other ways to show their care and concern.
Where gossip is concern,I admit,I once was addicted to it. Whenever my friend came with a new piece of news, I would lap onto it like a starved dog. Now,I've come to despise this fact. I guess I the reason I loved to listen to gossip was to know that others who seem so perfect have flaws too. Maybe I have this perverted sense of satisfaction to find others not perfect. Well, I've changed a lot over this year, and try to avoid any gossip news, although i still pick up some occasionally.
Imagine how surprise I was to find out that my friends knew an event concerning me that I thought they didn't know! I begin to wonder why is it I live? Is it for the scrutiny of others? So that others can laugh at you when you fall? When I heard the piece of news from my friend, I was surprised, as some of the details have changed. Wow,then do i have to correct all their details so that their story doesn't flip out of reality? Sh*t man! What is wrong with these people? Haven't they heard of "jaga tepi kain sendiri"?
Can't say i wasn't pissed when I heard what people were gossiping behind others. So sad when a person who seems so good is connected to a piece of gossip which who-knows-is-it-true.
I know a friend, who himself knows that he is "ba gua". Because of this, he has gain 2 fan bases. The first fan base adores him, as he's their constant feed of news. The second "fan base", let's just say they wouldn't hold their fists if they manage to catch him alone. I've learn to stay away from this friend of mine, as I can't accept myself gossiping anymore.
Gossip.
This is something which is unstoppable. Like it will happen anywhere and anytime. People just enjoy listening to dirt about others. Celebrity magazines are proof of it.
While I was bathing, I pondered about the careers for people who loved gossip. Maybe this kind of people turn to careers such as being a talk show host, or gossip magazine editor. Hmm...make a living out of gossip.
Well, let's hope that I don't come on any unwanted news anymore.

Terrible Dream

2005-03-23T13:20:00.000-08:00

I can't forget what my dream today. When I woke up,I was still thinking about whether it was real, and kept assuring myself it was just a dream. I don't know why I could dream of something like this though.
In my dream, I found out my girlfriend,M had actually kissed a friend of mine,K. I ask her why she did it, but she couldn't reply me. And then there were these flashing instances where K would approach M and their faces would be so close,they were in kissing distance.
woo...When I woke up,I had to tell myself it was all a dream and not rush over to punch K who was my roommate. Poor innocent guy,just got "baddy-fied" by me.
I told my dream to M,and she laugh her head off. I got to say,I found it really funny too after telling it.
but I couldn't help thinking,what would happen if a situation like this occurs?If a friend of mine manages to snag M from me?If M chooses someone I know instead of me?
I've always remembered what M told me before: "if he/she is yours,then no matter where he/she goes,he/she will always return to you."well,if she ain't mine,I'll always be prepared to let go.
with the obstacles up ahead,I don't know where we're headed,but I sure hope this relationship will last.who knows which university we would be sent to?There's a huge probability we won't be in the same U.by then,we won't know each other's social circles. A lot of things can happen.and its always hard to keep a long distance relationship. She's from muar,I'm from tampin.we can't chat on the phone too long, or the telephone bill will rise to unseen standards.once,when the telephone bill arrived,my dad caught me and gave me a lecture on how much I had used.out of RM300,I had used RM200 I think.good thing he didn't ask me to pay for it.from then on,I had to control my expenditure,and use the cheaper method:SMS.its a good thing my home pc is installed with streamyx now,so I can chat with her online.however,her connection is still dialup and it would be extremely costly for her to chat long hours.besides,I prefer phone-to-phone chatting compared to online chatting.
another of the challenges pose is the appearance of another challenger. M being a socialble girl and above average looks (to me!),has become the target of another guy. this guy works at her hometown,however,he hasn't been in contact with her for a year.until lately,when he learned that she had a boyfriend(namely, me...),he finally took steps to advance on her.too bad she turned him down!however,I can't say this hasn't been on my mind.now that she's in school with me,I feel its safe.but what happens when she goes back to Muar during the break?I can't say this guy won't woo her by then.then again,if she's mine,she'll always come back to me.and if I have to let go,I won't hesitate to do so.i don't doubt her,and I believe she'll tell me if a problem arises.
i'm so happy we started our relationship last sem.we've been through a lot of quarrels,and,to tell the truth,i've apologise countless times for small matters.sometimes I feel its hard for me and her,but I don't mind apologizing to her,because in the end,we'll apologize to each other and everything will turn out fine again.
sometimes I feel its a cycle.we quarrel,I apologize,she stays mad and ignores me for a while,I try harder at apologizing,and then she starts talking back to me,and we apologize to each other,and everything is back to normal.until the next quarrel.i still remembered what M's friend said when she replied my message one day.she told me that quarreling with her boyfriend was common,maybe this showed that 2 people loved each other.is it?I don't know.people have different perceptions of love.i think love is a feeling we have to cultivate and cannot be obtained immediately.you may like a person at first sight,but not love.after getting to know the person,then you may love the person.right now,I can't gurantee my feelings are pure love.nonetheless,that doesn't mean I want to destroy this relationship.i believe that we can grow love if we can survive each others flaws.thats the beauty of love.
well,enough of these lovey-dovey stuff(really,i'm not into these stuff...).2 weeks to my exams! and I can't even finish a past year paper without refering to note books! I have to work harder.i keep telling myself this but I just can't control myself.keep on going to the room next door(where my good friends,F and H are..) and chatting with my friends.haiz...
before I go,would like to say happy birthday to Shiau Yun!March 23rd! happy 19th birthday!

Puan Adzliena's Jamuan

2005-03-19T13:57:00.000-08:00

today,puan adzliena,my beloved and totally cute chemistry lecturer held a farewell party for her students (me and ming's classmates). the jamuan was suppose to start at 11.00am,so i lazed around in my room from 8am till 10am reading detective conan and cooking master boy manga.wow,i really like cooking master boy,although the story commonly repeats itself,as Mao(the protagonist) challenges one cook after another.borrowed the comics from Kent,who borrowed them from T,who i wasn't on speaking terms with.
after finishing the comics,i went to clean myself up and wanted to revise biology.but being the unconcentrated person that i am,i decided to open a can of tuna to eat with my expired bread.i open the tomato chilli flavour tuna.ooh,how i regret buying it! it didn't taste as good as i thought.after taking it with 2 pieces of bread,i decided to stop as i had to leave some space for puan adzliena's jamuan.
at 10.30am,my classmate,wawa called to tell me the jamuan had already started!i thought she was conning me,but then again,i decided to believe her.phoned ming n met up with her before going to the jamuan.
when we reach the banquet room(where the jamuan was held),it was filled with girls!wait,don't get to excited,they were all malay girls.so i didn't had any problems going in.no malu malu feeling.the malay guys are always malu malu.i asked them why,and they tell me that because i am chinese,i won't feel malu malu between them.hmm,i was wondering,if the room was filled with chinese girls,would it be the same?i guess not...
anyway,we took a lot of photos,and ate really good food(according to puan adzliena,it was her cooking...taste superb!especially the chilli chicken!). took a picture with puan adzliena with ridzuan's camera.maybe will post it up next time.for now its too leceh to post pictures,cos i dun know how and don't have the programme in the computers in school.
tomorrow,there will be another jamuan,my club jamuan.not looking forward to it,cos already predictable,sure boring one.